Home Forums Poetry Talk Matters ~ Ash

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  • #17903
    Aya_pieceofme
    Participant

    A whisper I hear even when am

    By myself

    Mind unstill unclear 

    With true, false, and the rest.

    #18539
    Susan Katz
    Keymaster

    Interesting little poem that seems to be a kind of “self awareness” moment.  I like it and though it moves simply from line to line, it does get your message across.  I would, perhaps, like to see an image or two in your poem – for example (mind still unclear – as what – unclear as cloudy water, a cloud filled sky, mist on the mountains…?)  Poetry should be visual, should paint pictures for us and I think your poem has all the possibility of being a very fine poetic picture.  I will be considering your poem for featuring in a future poetladykatz Instagram page post, but would love to see it resubmitted with some editing with an eye towards imagery.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

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