And yet, your “Not A Poem” is, in fact, a small poetic offering. Some delightful lines “tempting eyes” – “wisdom in your words” – leading up to your final line “I say to you Good Bye.” It leaves me wondering exactly “who” you are saying goodbye to. Is it yourself, or this other side of yourself? Isit a lover? That’s what poetry should do. Invite us in to the poem and then, make us wonder, make us think, make us feel. If it were my poem, I would let it flow without punctuation – perhaps you could use spacing to create the drama – example: Your magnetic presence (and I would put tempting on this line – that way you are creating the poetic technique known as enjambment – when a word means something on the line it’s on and then the meaning becomes something else when the word connects with the next line.) You are also creating enjambment if you you put the word wisdom (or wise) on the same line with eyes. I would change “wisdom” to “wise” because of the rhyme but also because of the rhythm. I would also start a new stanza with “Can’t”. I’m wondering if you can find a better way to say that – “can’t is harsh and seems, somehow, out of place. Might the word be “won’t” or “unable to be” – you might want to think about this a bit.So, your poem would read:
Your magnetic presence tempting
eyes wise
in your words
(can’t?) be a prisoner anymore
I say to you Good bye
Thank you so much for sharing. Your friend in poetry, Susan
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