One day

[Riya Jaiswal]

 

“We miss you”, said They.

I wanted to say, I missed them back-

who adored me like nobody else.

 

How shall I tell ’em?

I’m too scared to write back;

I feel not enough

to equate it with my efforts to express.

I don’t know if I try my best;

now, I’m void of sparks 

which pushed me earlier

to get high with passion.

 

How to make sense?

Afraid to be questioned the same.

What makes a good poetry?

Rhymes? Imageries? Metaphors?

or Poet’s Tenderness?

 

I played their strings carelessly

for when it became

about the ‘perfect’ art?

One day I hesitatingly disclosed,

want to write like Emily and William.

They kissed me and sang,

“Better recite your own version,

literature accepts everyone,

every melody, every ballad,

but no copy cats.”

 

What if I get lost, not embraced

and forgotten

amidst the pages of history? 

“One day, you will.”

They never elaborated ‘one day’ 

so patiently I stood.

Meanwhile letting myself scribble

in an illusion to never stumble, 

someday, on that-

‘one day’.

 

 

[Susan Katz]

Thank you so much for sharing this very personal and passionate poem.  You have articulated your anxiety and confusion very well.  You have told us a great deal about what you believe poetry to be.  I would suggest that the question is either, “What makes a good poem – or – What makes good poetry?”  “Imageries” I believe, should be “imagery” and I would add an “a” before “Poet’s tenderness” – which is, by the way, delightful!  In poetry, less is more – in other words, if you can say something in three words, instead of ten, that’s a good thing.

There are parts of your poem that drift into “story” mode.  In poetry, we need the imagery (metaphor and simile) we need alliteration and the occasional rhyme, and we need to be invited, emotionally, into the poem.  Your poem is filled with emotion and some very fine writing, now it needs the “editing scalpel” to carve it into the heartbeat of poetry.  I would be happy to see your poem again, after you’ve had time to work on it and do some editing. 

Writing poetry is the gratifying part for all of us and, for all of us, editing is the hard part.  I think you have the skills to turn this into a very fine poem.

Your friend in poetry, Susan

 

 

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