Pitch Black

[diyatesla]

Pitch Black

Widened my eyes into the black

On the cold floor, lay me perplexed

Endless darkness aloft

Icy fire through my spine.

 

I shut it, the curtains of light

Slowly inhaled and eased my skin

Opened again and I saw it,

The big black box, where I lie.

 

Pushed my hands, on the cold floor

Rose above, my chilling spine

Couldn’t believe the magnanimity I saw 

An elegant engraved black metal door.

 

My feet got colder with each step I took

My hands weighing me down like a thousand gravity

My heart couldn’t bear the thirst anymore

To turn that golden knob and into the wilderness

Or grotesque, who knows.

 

Another black box, a loftier one

I turned around, the door slammed back

Shuddered, I saw it another metal door

A sinister one, a mile ahead

I picked my pace but no longer did it move

Still as air, I stood and watched

Everything, just a trance.

 

If only I resisted my frivolous urge, just so

My legs’d have the freedom it deserved

But now I stand in this Pitch Black

Nowhere to go, seamlessly lost.

 

 

 

Ma’m, 

I’d be delighted if you would comment on this poem. I wrote it a day ago and wanted to know your opinion about it.

 

Thanking you, 

Diya.

 

 

 

[Susan Katz]

Thank you for sharing this very dark and very intricate poem with me.  I do love many of your lines and the way the poem takes us, with you, on a journey. “My heart couldn’t bear the thirst anymore” is, for example, a great line!  I do think the poem wanders a bit, taking us places that confuse us.  In other words, as with all poetry, I believe your poem would benefit from editing – finding where the poem, the message, lives and bringing that home to us without adding anything that is unnecessary to that theme.  You have talent and are a good story teller, as well.  I would be happy to see this poem again, after you’ve had a chance to revisit it and revise it, with the eye and the heart of the poet.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[diyatesla]

Thank u mam😊

[Author]

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