You’ve tightened and heightened the intensity and the intent of the poem. I will definitely be featuring your poem in the very near future. Writing poetry is like planting a garden – the poem needs constant attention and “weeding” until it finally reaches its full potential. You made great strides and did some fine editing. I appreciate your trust in me and am delighted that you have shared your work. Your friend in poetry, Susan
A kind of insanity plagues me
It wrecks and remakes me
Similar to the earth in the drought of time, hoarding the sea
Like the parched, dried-up river awaiting thee
Clear as nature’s unbiased pain, weaved without heed (in this context – “weaved” should be “woven”)
Relief in the season’s breath ploughed bitter-sweet
I anticipate a storm birthing a seed
For there on the transient horizon
Is a phantom on the ocean’s breeze_ (I very much like this!)
.
