Nicely done. I would like very much to see this poem written with line breaks, as that is a key part in how we read a poem. I’m not sure where your lines begin and end and, as the reader, I need to know. There are a couple of words that could be removed in the editing process, and I think that would benefit the rhythm (and perhaps) the meaning of the poem, as well. You do have some very fine moments in this poem and I am grateful you chose to share it with me. Please resubmit if you are inclined to do a bit of editing. Your friend in poetry, Susan
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