The long night – Apurva Deshpande

[Slytherin]

When will this long night end?
When will the Sun send,
The hopeful rays of light
When will it all be bright?

When will all be visible again?
Till when will darkness reign?
On my mind and around
When will light abound?

There hasn’t been a night,
Scarier than this in sight.
When will hope overcome,
This fear cumbersome?

Every night comes to an end
A message the morning sends,
Don’t give up on me, I’ll arrive
But the night you have to survive.

[Susan Katz]

I can feel the intensity of your poem, the emotion, and the desire to have the reader feel what you’re feeling but, I also feel that the desire to rhyme has taken away from the natural flow of words and lines into a more meaningful poetic experience.  Poetry does not have to rhyme.  It needs to invite us into the experience through the use of imagery (word pictures) line break, and other poetic devices that take the poem from words on paper, to emotions in her hearts, and pictures, so real, we can see them, hear them, feel them, smell them, and taste them.  Do spend some time editing (as all poets must) your very self-aware, very important poem and I would be happy to have you submit it again.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Slytherin]

Thanks a lot for your review. I've actually been told this by few people already. But honestly, I feel like I can't help it. I seem to have a strange obsession with rhyme. I have been trying hard. It would be great if you could give me some tips on how to. I

[Author]

Posts