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  • July 9, 2021 at 11:30 am #17892
    La belle dam sans merci
    Participant

                     Incognito 

    My life is like a cocktail party, 

    Massacred in unrighteousness,

    Neither bliss, nor splendour 

    Rather an absolute unidentified archipelago 

    July 9, 2021 at 1:17 pm #18524
    Susan Katz
    Keymaster

    Nice!  One suggestion – might it be more to the point to say “massacred (by) unrighteousness?”  The line seems just a little off by the use of the word “in.”  I do, however, very much like your poem – the tight fist of it and the potent message, and the lovely rhythm.  I will definitely be considering your poem to be featured on my poetladykatz Instagram page in the next week or two.  Thank you for sharing.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

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