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Your friend in poetry, Susan

FEATURED POEM
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404: HUMANITY NOT FOUND (1 reply)

tanvilad
3 years ago
tanvilad 3 years ago

Human life is such a shame

Everyone around is only playing the game of blame

Fights on Religion and caste and what not

The vein of humanity is about to clot

Sitting home during this virus and criticising is so simple

The doctors are still trying to fight with smiles and dimple

Is politics superior than lives?

It's better to suicide with a knife

Attacks on doctors and Stone throws

Is this how our country should grow?

God has entered the body of doctors it seems

And your cribbing for not being able to go to gyms

Co operation is all they need

Let's unite together and plant the humanity seed

Doctors are sacrificing their lives for others

And you want to Rome around and gather

So many worries and a year full of cries

And still you want some cheesy fries

The base and foundation within us is slipping as if we are standing on Grease

Pray for ones who are gone and may their souls rest in peace!

                                            — Tanvi Lad

Susan Katz
3 years ago
Susan Katz 3 years ago

You certainly managed to get a lot of information and emotion into your poem and I thank you very much for sharing it with me.  It is too long for me to consider for featuring on my Instagram page, for this week's poetry submission feature.  I would, as I have said to many others, suggest you back off a bit on the rhyme and try to incorporate more in the way of imagery (metaphor and simile.)  Poetry should make us see, hear, taste, touch, and smell and then, react emotionally.  You have all the ingredients for a very fine poem, you just need to do the hard job, all poets must do, of editing.  Thank you again for sharing your work with me, Susan

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