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A 19 Year Olds Crush (1 reply and 2 comments)

2 months ago
sunsnotstars 2 months ago

You have been a 19 year olds crush for almost a year now 

and yet

of all the dreams holding hands with her


'I dont knows' 

with all the

'some flings'

in this


she loves you.

where by easy accidents 

like falling in love with someone new everyday

but by design 

you are her destination 

and she is on her way,

a voyeuristic journey 

of unsatisfying urges

and peaking curiosities,

woefully waiting and watching for a

long 19 years

of child imitating old woman

looking deadly 

with her hunger appeased

never knowing peace like it

and it could feel like forever,

like how like never

learns to love.

It's not how a 19 year old



but its complicated;

dreaming while living,

the potential of that cold cup of coffee 

waking up warm in the sunlight

(in which you are the sun, 

and the coffee)

that those stars could be suns,

and those sun's galaxies, 

and in a week the strange rotting imitating life once again

so discreetly, 

not exactly ceased,

as they travel back again

through time,

it happens.

She's just beginning.

yet everyone tells her

its just a 19 year olds crush.

























Susan Katz
2 months ago
Susan Katz 2 months ago

Good morning and thank you for sharing your poem with me.  What I think is:  It is filled with emotions - struggling to understand themselves - it is filled with a kind of emotional awe at discovering how intensely one can feel - it is filled with some very fine lines:

dreaming whilst living,  (dreaming while living)

the potential of a cold cup of coffee (I would leave off
the potential of" and just go with "a cold cup of coffee" - in poetry it is always better to give the reader a chance to interpret what you're saying/feeling - rather than telling them)

waking up warm in the sunlight  (I very much like this - becoming the sunlight - not sure about becoming the cup of coffee)

(in which you are the sun,...)

Emotions are messy, especially when they are in control - which it sounds like they are from the tone and intensity of the poem.  I think with a little work, editing, you will have a fine poem that expresses some very relatable emotions.  Again, thank you so much for sharing with me.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

2 months ago

Thank you for these comments! I don't really share my poetry ( as I'm hoping to 'release' them one day in something even more artistic like into a arty film) but it's always good to get extra insight especially from the wiser:) thanks again for your compliments nd your in depth comment - it has made my day. I'm glad you think it has potential. I'll make those changes to my poem, and I'll keep practicing!

Also i see what you mean about the coffee line, I wanted to express the potential everything has. If a cup of coffee can be warm and cold thus it has - potential. It's state is always changing. I was thinking of both the coffee and the sun as sort of being in everything and everywhere. It coffee has absorbed the sunlight and its now become that. Maybe I need a better metaphor:D 

Susan Katz
2 months ago

I am always delighted to "meet" people who share my love of creative expression. In a world of darkness - the arts are the light. Please feel free to share at any time - I'm always happy to offer whatever insights I can. What your poem has is what poetry is all about - honest, heartfelt emotion. Wishing you a beautifully creative day, Susan

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