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Your friend in poetry, Susan

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A picture ; Name: Yukta Hindurao Rane (1 reply)

Yukta Hindurao Rane
3 years ago

A picture when clicked,
Time stops in the frame.
The moment can be seen so clear,
In contrary, memories get blurred in the brain.
Seeing the picture again, tears flood your eyes
You actually Time travel in the past,
Objects stand still, as if frozen in the moment,
A moment that forever lasts!

Susan Katz
3 years ago
Susan Katz 3 years ago

I truly like your concept of "time stops" for that moment, in the frame.  A photograph, capturing a moment, a face, a time.  You have some very fine lines - I like "memories get blurred in the brain" - nice use of alliteration - and "as if frozen in the moment..."  However, you have used, in this very short poem, the word "moment" three times.  I would love for you to find another word (or image) for "moment."  I wonder, grammatically, if it isn't "A picture when clicked / stops time in the frame?"    Also, I wouldn't worry too much about punctuation, in this very short - very fluid, poem - but rather just let the words and lines flow, one into another.  Grammatically, it would be "clearly - not clear" and "Contrary" would be "in contrast." And you would "time travel IN to the past..." Could you give me an image for "tears flood your eyes?"  I really like this poem and would love to see it again after you've had time to revisit some of the small issues that I've mentioned.  Thank you so very much for sharing your work with me.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

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