Poetry Talk

Welcome to my Poet Lady Chat Room. I would like to invite you to click on the chat box and type in a question, a suggestion, submit a poem, in other words – “chat with me.” I may, if you submit a poem, decide to feature it in my Poem of the Week section or, we may simply exchange ideas and suggestions about your poem.

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Your friend in poetry, Susan

FEATURED POEM
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A-wake (1 reply and 1 comment)

m_uzair_ans
3 years ago
m_uzair_ans 3 years ago

Awaken and bear witness,    

Taking in the dire sight;    

Of hands of doomsday clock,    

About to strike five to midnight.    

 

Awaken and smell the stench,    

Of the spreading wildfire;    

As it engulfs all hearts,    

Turning integrity to ire.    

 

Awaken and try to hear,    

The cacophonic wails;    

Permeating the stir,   

Abiding along bloody trails.    

 

Awaken and speak against,    

The guile laced hate spoken;    

Or one day you might find,   

Yourself amid the forsaken.    

 

Awaken and take a stand,    

For too high is the stake;    

Lest humanity die,     

And we awaken to it's wake.    

Susan Katz
3 years ago
Susan Katz 3 years ago

Thank you so much for sharing this emotionally powerful poem.  You have some great lines and your rhyme, for the most part, works very well.  I would make a couple of very small suggestions - I would change "taking in the..." to "take in...." putting it in the present, this moment.  I would change "of hands of..." to "the hands of..."  as I think it works a little better and you are not repeating "of" twice in one line.  And finally, I would change the "to" in the last line to "in its wake."  It is more accurate, as one is in the wake of a ship, or in the wake of a catastrophe.  I would also suggest you consider eliminating punctuation, because the poem moves at such a speed and with such dramatic impact, I believe punctuation just slows us down.

This is a well thought out, well executed poem and what I would like to request is: would you consider writing a very brief, one or two sentences, explaining how writing the poem may have relieved you of some of the pressure of the world situation or, in some way, made you feel better?  I would very much like to feature your poem, in about two weeks, on my Featured Poem of the Week page.  With your permission, of course.

Again, thank you so very much for sharing your fine work with me, Your Friend in Poetry, Susan

m_uzair_ans
3 years ago

Apologies for this very late reply.
Thank you for your kind words as well as the suggestions. If you do feature the poem, kindly do so edited with your suggestions, it feels much better with them.
As for how writing it made me feel: I thought it would help me, even if in the very least. But I'm not sure if it did. Ukraine is getting coverage and some aid from other nations but sadly, the same can't be said for other places. Syria, Yemen, Myanmar, Ethiopia and the list goes on. As the days go by, the death toll rises and the world acts as if nothing is happening, while the ones who have the means to be more than silent spectators, apparently do nothing.

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