Welcome to my Poet Lady Chat Room. I would like to invite you to click on the chat box and type in a question, a suggestion, submit a poem, in other words – “chat with me.” I may, if you submit a poem, decide to feature it in my Poem of the Week section or, we may simply exchange ideas and suggestions about your poem.

This is a place to “talk” poetry with someone who has loved it all her life. I have a true passion for the possibilities of poetry and would love to hear your thoughts and/or read your poem. I will be happy to offer my reaction to your work and, based on over 40 years of teaching poetry, organizing, and conducting poetry workshops, working as a book review editor for an international poetry magazine, authoring five books of poetry and two textbooks on teaching poetry, send along my thoughts on ways to make your poem stronger and more impactful.

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Your friend in poetry, Susan

FEATURED POEM
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Beating sun (2 replies)

Comfort
3 years ago
Comfort 3 years ago

Soft heat like little feet dancing on beach go-ers,
On curved moon carved hands
On coin chasers by the car park
On children of concrete jungle
Even on those who flee solid roof for uncertain sky :
Sun stomps with high heels
Parties on skin with care free moves
On them who love Day for he brings prey
Hate Sun for being heartless in his torture
On them who love Night for she brings shade
Hate Night for under Moon they become prey
Sun's beat like heart shall never stop till his olden days

 

Susan Katz
3 years ago
Susan Katz 3 years ago

There are some absolutely wonderful moments in your poem!  Thank you so much for sharing it with me.  I do, as I always do, have a few suggestions that I think might tighten and make clearer, certain moments in your poem. 

Wouldn't change a word of the following, though you might consider using spacing as a way of separating one thought from another or, creating a more dramatic affect.

Soft heat like little feet dancing on beach go-ers, (I tjhink "goers" is one word - not hyphenated)

On curved moon carved hands
On coin chasers by the car park
On children of concrete jungle
Even on those who flee solid roof for uncertain sky : (love this)
Sun stomps with high heels
Parties on skin with care free moves
On them who love Day...

for he brings prey(not sure what this means)

Hate Sun for being heartless in his torture
On them who love Night for she brings shade (This should be "torture 'of" them not "on" them)
Hate Night for under Moon they become prey ( I would not use "prey" twice and, I'm not sure it works the first time - better here)
Sun's beat like heart shall never stop till his olden days (not sure what this means - "shall never stop till olden days..."  I would like a sharper, tighter, clearer ending to what is, a really fine poem.)

I hope you'll resend, and I will definitely consider for a Featured Poem of the Week publication on my website.

Write on - Susan

 

Comfort
3 years ago
Comfort 3 years ago

I wholeheartedly appreciate your response, my poems tend to not get any responses, so this is just amazing. 

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