Welcome to my Poet Lady Chat Room. I would like to invite you to click on the chat box and type in a question, a suggestion, submit a poem, in other words – “chat with me.” I may, if you submit a poem, decide to feature it in my Poem of the Week section or, we may simply exchange ideas and suggestions about your poem.

This is a place to “talk” poetry with someone who has loved it all her life. I have a true passion for the possibilities of poetry and would love to hear your thoughts and/or read your poem. I will be happy to offer my reaction to your work and, based on over 40 years of teaching poetry, organizing, and conducting poetry workshops, working as a book review editor for an international poetry magazine, authoring five books of poetry and two textbooks on teaching poetry, send along my thoughts on ways to make your poem stronger and more impactful.

If you’re on my site, you have a connection to poetry. Feel free to connect with me – right here -right now, by typing your message into the “chat box” and clicking send. I’m waiting…

 

Your friend in poetry, Susan

FEATURED POEM
Back to Poetry Talk...

Cleaning service (1 reply)

Comfort
2 years ago
Comfort 2 years ago

Help! Help!
My walls have been stained again,
Graffiti gripping onto my white walls,
Halls echo with graffiti of my mother's screams smeared with tears of son when thoughts would drown...
Crown of thorns decorate my father, my savior as he laid facing death brought onto him by one's he'd saved.
Depression splattered, each spot a scent of emotional carnage trying to embody all.

Help!

And as swift as lightning touched Midgard, they arrived before tear shed
No time spared as they covered my walls with white again

Once done, like always, one question asked,
To why I always held the spray cans like killer held gun aimed at his only victim... himself

Susan Katz
2 years ago
Susan Katz 2 years ago

Thank you for sharing this very emotional, vivid poem with me.  If I were to make a suggestion, it would be one: tighten the poem by eliminating words that are not necessary or that are repetitive and two: check you grammar.  There are some moments when you might be able to use a better word, one that translates better into English. 

Help! Help!
My walls have been stained again,
Graffiti gripping onto my white walls,  (suggest you use "grips" my white walls)
Halls echo with graffiti of my mother's screams smeared with tears of son when (nice rhyme here with walls and halls) (her son's tears - thoughts drowning)

thoughts would drown... (I would leave a space here before starting a new stanza)

Crown of thorns decorate my father, my savior as he laid facing death brought onto him by one's he'd saved. (A crown of thorns decorates my father, my savoir as he lays facing death - I would suggest you find a clearer way of saying - "brought on to him by ones he saved" - this is a little awkward and confusing)
Depression splattered, (nice) each spot a scent of emotional carnage trying to embody all. (each stain - instead of each spot?  the rest of the line is confusing to me)

Help! (don't know if you need this as your whole poem seems to be a cry for help.)

And as swift as lightning touched Midgard, they arrived before tear shed (more tears were shed?)
No time spared as they covered my walls with white again  (One word to say "no time spared"?)  (another word for "covered" more visual - like painted or lit or...)

Once done, like always, one question asked,  (who asks the question?  I ask - she asks - they ask?)

To why I always held the spray cans like killer held gun aimed at his only victim... himself  (Please check your grammar here - this is a powerful line and should be presented clearly.  "Why do I always hold the spray can like the killer holds a gun/ aimed at his only victim/ me)

These are just suggestions and you should disregard them if they do not work for you.  There is power and purpose in your poem and I do believe you could tighten it, correct some grammatical mistakes, and have a really dynamic poem.  Thank you so much for sharing with me.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

Back to Poetry Talk...