Poetry Talk

Welcome to my Poet Lady Chat Room. I would like to invite you to click on the chat box and type in a question, a suggestion, submit a poem, in other words – “chat with me.” I may, if you submit a poem, decide to feature it in my Poem of the Week section or, we may simply exchange ideas and suggestions about your poem.

This is a place to “talk” poetry with someone who has loved it all her life. I have a true passion for the possibilities of poetry and would love to hear your thoughts and/or read your poem. I will be happy to offer my reaction to your work and, based on over 40 years of teaching poetry, organizing, and conducting poetry workshops, working as a book review editor for an international poetry magazine, authoring five books of poetry and two textbooks on teaching poetry, send along my thoughts on ways to make your poem stronger and more impactful.

If you’re on my site, you have a connection to poetry. Feel free to connect with me – right here -right now, by typing your message into the “chat box” and clicking send. I’m waiting…

 

Your friend in poetry, Susan

FEATURED POEM
Back to Poetry Talk...

Father (1 reply)

Comfort
3 years ago
Comfort 3 years ago

Does your heart ever remind you to miss. As you kiss your other do you ponder on mother and the I your rejection. 

 

Father 

My cheeks grow tender with each tear that flows in fantasy of : 

 what could have been,

 Should have been,

 Shouldn't be, 

 Should I even be? 

 

Father 

When you left... When you fled was I the ignition, was I like omen to farmers havest or like viking with war cry that shook you out of your village. 

 

Father 

I hate you for what could have been yet I miss you. 

I hate me for missing you when he and she speak about their daddy and I... 

I hate you.

 

 

Susan Katz
3 years ago
Susan Katz 3 years ago

This is a very emotional, very intense poem and, for the most part, it works very well.  We feel your pain and we understand your message.  Please see some suggestions below:

 

Father 

My cheeks grow tender with each tear that flows in fantasy of : (I would end this line with "fantasy" and bring "of" down to start the next line.  I would omit capitals at the start of each line and, omit punctuation because this poem is a flowing thought, an ongoing feeling and we don't punctuate thoughts and feelings.)

what could have been,

 Should have been,

 Shouldn't be, 

 Should I even be?  (Love this!)

 

Father 

When you left... When you fled was I the ignition, was I like omen to farmers havest or (this line is a bit confusing - "/" this symbol stands for line break - I would break it up to read:  "when you left  /  when you fled was I / like the viking war cry that shook you out of your village))

 

Father 

I hate you for what could have been yet I miss you. (I would take out "yet" and turn this into two lines)

I hate me for missing you when he and she speak about their daddy and I...  (when others speak about their daddy... take out "and"

I hate you.

This is a really powerful poem.  I would love to see it after you've had time to think about it and do some editing.  I would definitely consider it for a future "Featured Poem of the Week.  Please remember that what I offer are suggestions, the poem is yours and you may consider my suggestions, apply them or, disregard them,  Your friend in poetry, Susan

 

 
 
Back to Poetry Talk...