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Festival of colours! (1 reply)

Tiny glowing star
3 years ago
Tiny glowing star 3 years ago

It's the happiness,

That sprouts in the colour of pink,

It's the cheerfulness,

That lingers in the colour of yellow,

It's the secularism,

That waltz in a dash like some race!

Despite all these colours,

The fire that soothes the hearts,

Becomes the more peculiar colour,

To connect the elite of summer,

After being drenched in the rain all years,

With swirling emotions that provokes!

A loner can also become a leaner,

To lit up a sorrowful memory,

Into an unexpected moment over a meal!

It all lies within our hearts,

The hope to commence,

Or the coax to refresh!

The true festival of colours,

Is the colours that our hearts portrays!

- Swetha.

 

Susan Katz
3 years ago
Susan Katz 3 years ago

First of all, I love the concept - the celebration of colors - the connection between colors and emotions.  I think this poem could really be quite wonderful with a few edits and grammatical corrections.  Let me give you some examples:

It's the happiness,  ("It's" is a "tight" word and you have a poem that flows - so I would change "it's" to It is...)

That sprouts in the colour of pink, (color - not colour)

It's the cheerfulness, (It is the...)

That lingers in the colour of yellow, (I like "lingers" but wonder if yellow isn't luxuriating in the color - not colour - yellow)

It's the secularism,

That waltz in a dash like some race!  (Waltzing is slow and elegant and graceful - I find the image jarring - waltz/dash - again I would start with "It is... also, can you find a simpler word for secularism?)

The poem becomes a little confusing at this point and I think, needs to be simplified.  Your ideas and images and flow all work - but the language is a bit convoluted and the poem starts to slip away from us.

One last thing.  I really like your ending but -

The true festival of colours, (colors)

Is the colours that our hearts portrays! (are the colors that our hearts portray or heart portrays - one or the other.)

Thank you so very much for sharing your work with me, yet again.  I love that you are such a prolific poet and that you are willing to share your work and allow me to make editing suggestions.  Please resubmit after you've had a chance to work on it.  Your Friend in Poetry, Susan

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