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Your friend in poetry, Susan

FEATURED POEM
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Midnight Darkness (2 replies)

SimranThakur
2 years ago
SimranThakur 2 years ago

After spending a hard day;

facing issues, choosing a dislike way.

When I come to my bed in moon-light,

I feel tired and restless.

A deep conversation starts me vs me

I try to dig out myself

at the midnight darkness.

 

All the lights are off,

but my eyes are not.

Everyone thought I slept,

but my eyelids are open.

Different thoughts running in my mind,

only this midnight darkness

knows the truth behind it.

 

In a dark square,

I take many restless turns.

Remembering bad days

affects me with stress.

Then tears, sleeplessness bothering me,

No one recognises but

midnight darkness knows when I cry.

 

I find it easy to hide,

in this dark world, in a twilight.

These night hours, I awake,

listening to ticking clock, sounds of cricket,

midnight darkness knows my secrets.

 

Negative thoughts or imaginary world

Distressing present or bright future

Uncountable inner noises or

judgemental people voices.

Things recreate again and again,

In the period of midnight darkness.

 

When at night

I found myself alone,

Fighting herself, dealing with pain,

Handling strain.

All the problems I am suffering,

knows this, "moment,"

that time midnight darkness grabs my hands.

 

I want to control, but I can't.

I try to stop, but I fail.

Every night you will come again,

And this continuation will go on.

I will be doing the same,

In this period of midnight darkness.

Susan Katz
2 years ago
Susan Katz 2 years ago

Thank you for submitting your poem for consideration for Featured Poem of the Month for December.  I think what you chose to write about, is something many of us are able to relate to.  I very much like the line "in this period of midnight darkness" but wonder if, for rhythmic reasons, if "period" might not become "time"  "In this time of midnight darkness..."  You need, from the standpoint of English grammar, to revisit your poem and check out your tenses (past/present/future)in order to make your lines, not only poetic, but meaningful from a language point of view.  Example:  Perhaps "found" myself alone should be "find" myself... as you move on, in that stanza to "All the problems I am suffering" (By the way, is there an image your could use here, instead of telling us - show us with imagery.)

Your poem is well written in many ways and your story is compelling, dramatic, and heartfelt and many of us, who read it,will relate to it.  Once again, thank you so much for sharing, Susan

SimranThakur
2 years ago
SimranThakur 2 years ago

Thank you so much mam for mentoring me. That's my pleasure you had a look at my words and read them. Sorry mam, but I don't have any image. I write it only in this purpose whenever a person read these words they can relate themselves with it. I will definitely work on my mistakes.  

I have a query mam, now I have to send my work again or get a chance to edit those?

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