Poetry Talk

Welcome to my Poet Lady Chat Room. I would like to invite you to click on the chat box and type in a question, a suggestion, submit a poem, in other words – “chat with me.” I may, if you submit a poem, decide to feature it in my Poem of the Week section or, we may simply exchange ideas and suggestions about your poem.

This is a place to “talk” poetry with someone who has loved it all her life. I have a true passion for the possibilities of poetry and would love to hear your thoughts and/or read your poem. I will be happy to offer my reaction to your work and, based on over 40 years of teaching poetry, organizing, and conducting poetry workshops, working as a book review editor for an international poetry magazine, authoring five books of poetry and two textbooks on teaching poetry, send along my thoughts on ways to make your poem stronger and more impactful.

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Your friend in poetry, Susan

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My adventurous date. (1 reply)

Tiny glowing star
3 years ago
Tiny glowing star 3 years ago

The butter sun just shines,

Making its way along the clouds,

I want to cuddle with this day,

Making my perfect path in this month, May!

 

The breeze is just soothing,

For my astonishing date,

But I don't wish for a candle light dinner,

To just have a meal while staring the site!

 

My date boosts up with adventures,

 A thrill to enjoy with my partner,

A challenge to participate with enthusiasm,

While holding hands, feeling each other's warmth!

 

My date is an amusing wonder,

To experience with him under the clear sky,

I have no boundaries to cross alone,

Since my partner would always come along!

 

- Swetha.

 

 

 

Susan Katz
3 years ago
Susan Katz 3 years ago

Once again, thank you for sharing your poetry with me.  I really like your opening stanza -  I would however, consider editing a bit to make it fit more concisely into the structure of poetry - see suggestions below:

The butter sun just shines,  (The butter sun shines)

Making its way along the clouds, (A better, more poetic word than "making" - prancing, dancing, leaping, sliding, ???)

I want to cuddle with this day,

Making my perfect path in this month, May! (Again "making" does not add anything to the beauty of language or impact of imagery - Discovering, finding, path-finding, and I don't know if you need "in this month" - "Discovering my perfect path in May)

This stanza becomes more story than poem.  What we need are images for things like "adventures" - thrills -challenges - the last line is nice but, you do not need the exclamation mark - the words should tell us how much "warmth" there was.

My date boosts up with adventures,

A thrill to enjoy with my partner,

A challenge to participate with enthusiasm,

While holding hands, feeling each other's warmth!

I would prefer if you would use another word for "date" - again, looking for an image or, simply say "he is an amusing wonder" - "experiencing what? under a clear sky"  And, I think you need a stronger ending with imagery that speaks to us in the voice of poetry. "I have no boundaries to 'face" alone as ...

My date is an amusing wonder,

To experience with him under the clear sky,

I have no boundaries to cross alone,

Since my partner would always come along!

Since I know you are serious about your poetry and are working to elevate your writing, I have given an honest critique, from my perspective.  This, however, is your work and please feel free to use or dismiss, my suggestions.

Wishing you a very creative day - your friend in poetry, Susan

 

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