Welcome to my Poet Lady Chat Room. I would like to invite you to click on the chat box and type in a question, a suggestion, submit a poem, in other words – “chat with me.” I may, if you submit a poem, decide to feature it in my Poem of the Week section or, we may simply exchange ideas and suggestions about your poem.

This is a place to “talk” poetry with someone who has loved it all her life. I have a true passion for the possibilities of poetry and would love to hear your thoughts and/or read your poem. I will be happy to offer my reaction to your work and, based on over 40 years of teaching poetry, organizing, and conducting poetry workshops, working as a book review editor for an international poetry magazine, authoring five books of poetry and two textbooks on teaching poetry, send along my thoughts on ways to make your poem stronger and more impactful.

If you’re on my site, you have a connection to poetry. Feel free to connect with me – right here -right now, by typing your message into the “chat box” and clicking send. I’m waiting…

 

Your friend in poetry, Susan

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no title (2 replies and 4 comments)

Comfort
4 weeks ago
Comfort 4 weeks ago

… and so, they asked.

And like a flower blooming, I opened and showed them my truth,

I became a glass house, parts of me hanged, windows shattered with stains of blood, a warning, not to seek to see yourself in the reflection of I, for I am shattered.

Tears fell for the first time that wasn’t from the whipping of the belts or from a fist that was meant to be a hand that cradles me,

And as my lips sealed,

The silence echoed, and in that moment… in that moment I’d hoped home wouldn’t just shelter my body but maybe it might shelter my heart too.

‘’disappointment”

“Disrespectful”

“ungrateful”

how I wish my lips had never spoken, had never opened, had never shown a part of me that needs your understanding, do you understand how I…

 

“I’m sorry for my disrespect, please forgive me”

Susan Katz
4 weeks ago
Susan Katz 4 weeks ago

This is an incredibly powerful and emotionally compelling piece of writing.  I hesitate to make any suggestions, edits that would bring it more into the realm of poetry, as that may not be your intention.  Let me just say, it moved me, it touched me, and you have managed to convey your feelings and your "experiences" in a very meaningful way.  Let me know if you are interested in editing suggestions and, thank you so much for sharing your work with me, Susan

Comfort
4 weeks ago

@Susan Katz, I would appreciate that

Susan Katz
4 weeks ago

Hi Comfort - thanks for sending again - and let me assure you, I will, this time, make some suggestions that I think will elevate your work into the realm of real, honest, heartfelt, and powerful poetry. I am in the midst of some other things at the moment but please know, I will be back in touch within the next 24 hours with my editing suggestions. Your work has really touched me!

Susan Katz
4 weeks ago

Please see my comments and suggestions, to this version of your poem, in your email.

no title
… and so, they asked.
And such like a flower blooming, I opened and showed them my truth,
I become a glass house, parts of me hanged, windows shattered with stains of blood that served as a warning not to seek to see yourself in the reflection of I, for I am shattered.
Tears fell for the first time that wasn’t from the wiping of the belts or from a fist that was meant to be a hand that cradles me,
And as my lips sealed,
The silence echoed, and in that moment… in that moment I’d hoped home wouldn’t just shelter my body but maybe it might shelter my heart too.
‘’disappointment”
“Disrespectful”
“ungrateful”
how I wish my lips had never spoken, had never opened, had never shown a part of me that needs your understanding, do you understand how I…

Comfort
4 weeks ago

@Susan, thank you for your help.
the first 3 lines that have quotation marks are meant to be words that came directly from the horse's mouth.

Susan Katz
4 weeks ago
Susan Katz 4 weeks ago

 

no title

PLEASE SEE MY COMMENTS BELOW - I DECIDED TO DO THEM RIGHT HERE.

… and so, they asked. (I would add ... to let us know the thought goes on...)

And such like a flower blooming, I opened and showed them my truth, (I would remove "and such" - just go with "like a flower..."_

I become a glass house, parts of me hanged, windows shattered with stains of blood that served as a warning not to seek to see yourself in the reflection of I, for I am shattered. (It should be either (I have become or I became a glass house.. parts of my hung - you could remove "that served as: and just go to "a warning...")

Tears fell for the first time that wasn’t from the wiping of the belts or from a fist that was meant to be a hand that cradles me, (Is that supposed to be "whipping" of the belts? and I would remove "from" and just go to "a fist:)

And as my lips sealed,

The silence echoed, and in that moment… in that moment I’d hoped home wouldn’t just shelter my body but maybe it might shelter my heart too. (You don't need the "the" at the beginning of the line - the line could be tightened to read "silence echoed/line break/ in that moment/ in that moment I'd hope home would not just shelter/ my body but my heart too")

‘’disappointment” (disappointed?)

“Disrespectful” (disrespected?)

“ungrateful”

how I wish my lips had never spoken, had never opened, had never shown a part of me that needs your understanding, do you understand how I… ("had never shown 'that' part of me that needs your understanding... )  I am a little confused by where this ends - could you perhaps fill it out just a bit more?

This poem, as I said before, is powerful, emotional, and I am hoping just a poem, not a telling of your life.  If it is a cry for help - please let me know. 

You have talent and I am hoping to continue to work with you.  I am hoping that when you have finished working on this poem, we can publish it on my site as Poem of the Week, at a future date.

Your friend in poetry, Susan

 

 

 

 

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