Poetry Talk

Welcome to my Poet Lady Chat Room. I would like to invite you to click on the chat box and type in a question, a suggestion, submit a poem, in other words – “chat with me.” I may, if you submit a poem, decide to feature it in my Poem of the Week section or, we may simply exchange ideas and suggestions about your poem.

This is a place to “talk” poetry with someone who has loved it all her life. I have a true passion for the possibilities of poetry and would love to hear your thoughts and/or read your poem. I will be happy to offer my reaction to your work and, based on over 40 years of teaching poetry, organizing, and conducting poetry workshops, working as a book review editor for an international poetry magazine, authoring five books of poetry and two textbooks on teaching poetry, send along my thoughts on ways to make your poem stronger and more impactful.

If you’re on my site, you have a connection to poetry. Feel free to connect with me – right here -right now, by typing your message into the “chat box” and clicking send. I’m waiting…

 

Your friend in poetry, Susan

FEATURED POEM
Back to Poetry Talk...

Not A Poem (1 reply)

Writerin_closet
3 years ago
Writerin_closet 3 years ago

Your magnetic presence
Tempting eyes..
Wisdom, in your words
Can't be a prisoner anymore
I say to you,"Good bye"

~writerin_closet

Susan Katz
3 years ago
Susan Katz 3 years ago

And yet, your "Not  A Poem" is, in fact, a small poetic offering.  Some delightful lines "tempting eyes" - "wisdom in your words" - leading up to your final line "I say to you Good Bye."  It leaves me wondering exactly "who" you are saying goodbye to.  Is it yourself, or this other side of yourself? Isit a lover? That's what poetry should do.  Invite us in to the poem and then, make us wonder, make us think, make us feel.  If it were my poem, I would let it flow without punctuation - perhaps you could use spacing to create the drama - example:  Your magnetic     presence (and I would put tempting on this line - that way you are creating the poetic technique known as enjambment  - when a word means something on the line it's on and then the meaning becomes something else when the word connects with the next line.)  You are also creating enjambment if you you put the word wisdom (or wise) on the same line with eyes. I would change "wisdom" to "wise" because of the rhyme but also because of the rhythm.  I would also start a new stanza with "Can't".  I'm wondering if you can find a better way to say that - "can't is harsh and seems, somehow, out of place.  Might the word be "won't" or "unable to be" - you might want to think about this a bit.So, your poem would read:

 

Your magnetic       presence tempting
eyes     wise
in your words

(can't?) be a prisoner anymore
I say to you          Good bye

 

Thank you so much for sharing.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

 

 

 

 

 

Back to Poetry Talk...