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Path to Home (1 reply and 1 comment)

Writerin_closet
3 years ago
Writerin_closet 3 years ago

Walk a lonely path
Dusty and broken
Winds gushing on my face
Pushing me to change my way

A broken house by the road
Withered ,broken in places
Yet standing still with its foundation intact
Broken yet not destroyed

Not a single bird or a plant seen
As if death,Surrounding the road
Waiting to take what it wants
Chasing after anyone on the path

With the last ray of the twilight
The night draws near
The end of path draws no close
The air turns cold stale
As if she herself exhaled her life away

In the distance a single lamp lights
Illuminating a path familiar in make
A path that I chose not to take before
The path I left to walk on this
Withered road

The wind itself pushing me on the path
Though end of this path too not visible
The fragnance of flowers the
Life in the atmosphere allures me to it
Distant I see a house,
Maybe this path leads me home
Change is necessary

For we all are looking our way home

 

~writerin_closet

Susan Katz
3 years ago
Susan Katz 3 years ago

You have some very strong, emotional moments in your poem and tell a story of being lost and then, hopefully, finding yourself, finding your way home.  It is a compelling story and one, many of us, can relate to.  Your poem needs some editing - in poetry - less is more.  Find the words that really don't add anything to the telling of your "story" and take them out, perhaps rewriting the lines  Also, check your grammar, as there are a number of places where the word is in the wrong place or there are some issues that simply confuse rather than enlighten.  I believe you have the beginnings of a poem worth working on, worth bringing into the light and I look forward to reading it again, after you've had time to work on it.  I would respectfully suggest you have a look at some of the lessons here on the site.  I think that many of them might help steer you in the direction of turning words on paper, thoughts in your head, into the power of poetry.  Thank you so very much for sharing your work with me, Susan

Writerin_closet
3 years ago

Mam, I understand , I was engrossed in imagery so I wrote the whole scene like a story, poem is imagery but in few words...
I will work on it, hopefully get better, using all resources at my disposal.
Thank you for nudging me in right direction.😊
I will make changes and get back to you.

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