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Poem from your prompt -Love is the Aftermath of the Storm (1 reply and 4 comments)

georgia_pearl
2 years ago
georgia_pearl 2 years ago

Love is the Aftermath of the Storm

Love is

When you hold me tight after my tears have abated

When the sky stops crying and the wind stops the trees from shaking

And the earth is moist and green

Love is the silence that softly soothes the stricken scene

It needs no words to start the healing of a heart storm torn

Love is when the crash is past in the

Aftermath of the storm

Susan Katz
2 years ago
Susan Katz 2 years ago

Good morning, and thank you for sharing your "love"ly poem with me.  I think it is very well written, has an inviting rhythm and perhaps, could benefit from just a few little edits.  Please see my suggestions below...

 

Love is the Aftermath of the Storm (I would remove "the" - "Love is the Aftermath of Storm")

Love is

When you hold me tight after my tears have abated(I would remove "when" and just go with "Love is / you holding me tight after my tears have abated...)

When the sky stops crying and the wind stops the trees from shaking (I would end the line after "stops" and then go on to the next line - creating what we call enjambment - a very effective poetic technique)

And the earth is moist and green(I might use :when here, instead of "And" creating a nice echoing of your previous lines)

Love is the silence that softly soothes the stricken scene(Love is silence softly soothing the stricken scene...)

It needs no words to start the healing of a heart storm torn(It needs no words to heal the heart...)

Love is when the crash is past in the (This line doesn't make grammatical sense - I might just go with - Love is the aftermath of storm...)

Aftermath of the storm

Remember that in poetry, less is more.  If you can find a way to say something in five words, don't use ten - and, while repetition is often effective, sometimes, it gets in the way of the poem's message and passion.  This is essentially, a fine poem.  Well done!  Your friend in poetry, Susan

georgia_pearl
2 years ago

I think I made the changes you recommended. Is this what you meant?

Love is the Aftermath of Storm

Love is
You holding me tight after my tears have abated
The sky stops crying and the wind stops
When the earth is moist and green
It’s silence softly soothing the stricken scene
It needs no words to heal the heart
Love is the aftermath of the storm

Thanks so much for your feedback! I’ll continue to work on the things you mentioned.

Susan Katz
2 years ago

Well done! I might take that last "the" out and just go with -
"Love is the aftermath of storm..." Also, I might put "You" on a line all by itself and possibly - not give away the ending in the title - just calling the poem "Love is..."
So:
Love is
you
holding me tight
after my tears abate

Do you want to use "stops" twice in the same line? Is there another word - like "ends" or "ceases" or "diminishes..."
As a poet, I know that a poem is never really finished as we always go back, reread our work and think - I could have said that better. Sometimes, when I'm looking at one of my books, I'm wishing I could change a word here or there. Your poem is good! Maybe let this one rest a while and move onto another, and then come back to this one. I look forward to reading more of your work. - Susan

georgia_pearl
2 years ago

Ok.. Thanks so much for your encouragement!! 😊

Susan Katz
2 years ago

Sorry for the delay in saying - You are so welcome!!!

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