Poetry Talk

Welcome to my Poet Lady Chat Room. I would like to invite you to click on the chat box and type in a question, a suggestion, submit a poem, in other words – “chat with me.” I may, if you submit a poem, decide to feature it in my Poem of the Week section or, we may simply exchange ideas and suggestions about your poem.

This is a place to “talk” poetry with someone who has loved it all her life. I have a true passion for the possibilities of poetry and would love to hear your thoughts and/or read your poem. I will be happy to offer my reaction to your work and, based on over 40 years of teaching poetry, organizing, and conducting poetry workshops, working as a book review editor for an international poetry magazine, authoring five books of poetry and two textbooks on teaching poetry, send along my thoughts on ways to make your poem stronger and more impactful.

If you’re on my site, you have a connection to poetry. Feel free to connect with me – right here -right now, by typing your message into the “chat box” and clicking send. I’m waiting…

 

Your friend in poetry, Susan

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Poem inspired by your prompts “Dreams” from Lesson 73 (1 reply and 2 comments)

georgia_pearl
2 years ago
georgia_pearl 2 years ago

Dreams 

Are a part of living 

Fantasy fused with reality 

Thoughts igniting reverie 

Forming pictures in my mind 

They make ordinary things shine 

Everyday I look in wonder 

And put pen to paper 

Trying to bring to life 

Colorful, vanishing vapors 

Slipping away on a string 

Of dreams 

Susan Katz
2 years ago
Susan Katz 2 years ago

Good Sunday morning and thank you for sharing your poem with me,  I'm delighted you were inspired to write it by a prompt on the site.  The poem is well written and has some lovely moments.  I will make a few suggestions (please feel free to ignore them) that address the poetic truth, that less is more.  In other words, if a word is not absolutely necessary to the poem, don't include it.  See my suggestions below...  BTW this / indicates a line break)

Dreams 

Are a part of living  (Remove "Are" - just go with Dreams / a part of living)

Fantasy fused with reality  (fantasy fusing with reality)

Thoughts igniting reverie (thoughts igniting reverie forming /)

Forming pictures in my mind (perhaps another more visual word for pictures - like visions or illusions...)

They make ordinary things shine (making ordinary things/)

Everyday I look in wonder (shine        I look in wonder)

And put pen to paper (put pen to paper)

Trying to bring to life (shepherding - conveying - fetching - to life colorful /)

Colorful, vanishing vapors ( vanishing vapors - colorful vanishing vapors slipping)

Slipping away on a string (away on a string)

Of dreams (of dreams...)

Very well done - just a thought - ditch the punctuation and the capitalization - just go with lower case - we don't dream "grammatically" - we dream -  poetically.

Would love to see it again, after you've had time to consider my edits and perhaps apply some of your own.  I will be happy to feature it one day either as poem of the week, or in the Art in to Art section on my site.

Your friend in poetry,

Susan

 
 
georgia_pearl
2 years ago

I considered your suggestions and made some changes… I’m not familiar with some of the techniques or the reasoning behind them, but I want to learn more! Thanks so much for your time and help!! I’m so excited you would consider this one for a feature! Here it is again:

Dreams

a part of living
fantasy fused with reality
thoughts igniting reverie forming
imagery in my mind
they make ordinary things
shine I look in wonder
and put pen to paper
illuminating
colorful, vanishing vapors slipping
away on a string
of dreams…

Susan Katz
2 years ago

Very nice. Please forgive the delay in my response - dealing with a fracture in my back making time at the computer difficult. Hoping to put this all behind me soon. In the meantime - good job. See below for just a couple more suggestions... And do send more when you get the chance - I would love to read your work, Susan

Dreams

a part of living
fantasy fused with reality (fusing with reality)
thoughts igniting reverie forming
imagery in my mind (images in my mind)
they make ordinary things (making ordinary things)
shine I look in wonder
and put pen to paper (don't need the "and")
illuminating
colorful, vanishing vapors slipping (colors instead of "coloring"?)
away on a string (Love your ending!)
of dreams…

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