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This is a place to “talk” poetry with someone who has loved it all her life. I have a true passion for the possibilities of poetry and would love to hear your thoughts and/or read your poem. I will be happy to offer my reaction to your work and, based on over 40 years of teaching poetry, organizing, and conducting poetry workshops, working as a book review editor for an international poetry magazine, authoring five books of poetry and two textbooks on teaching poetry, send along my thoughts on ways to make your poem stronger and more impactful.

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Your friend in poetry, Susan

FEATURED POEM
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Shadow, Light, and Life. (1 reply)

IncalculableData
4 weeks ago
IncalculableData 4 weeks ago

Once a snowy dream by Shadow sharp and keen

Whispered ancient blight to a boy of painted sight

His Innocent eyes, unwillingly glean 

The sound of darkness the nightmare streams.

A Dreary morrow. A shaded sorrow.

The boy gives his brush to barrow.  

 

Where Shadow there’s Light, a valiant knight!

Not sent to plea or plunder.

The grace of God his armor, his steed the sun and thunder.

By purpose hollowed, gallant in soul

The right seat of God anoints in full.

A Crusade thus created,

For God’s child is needed.

 

Through the valley he charges, fire in eye!

Word he draws, tongue peacefully spry

No tower to dark nor void to steep

Sir Light brightens onward, with vows to keep. 

 

Darkness takes leave & Shadow can’t see

Defeat in tide their sorrow  

For glory of grace, Light warms her face

Passing his paint of hollow.

Mother opens the color. Boy searches above.

Finding Gods brush of love.

Susan Katz
4 weeks ago
Susan Katz 4 weeks ago

Thank you so much for sharing your poem with me.  You have some very fine lines in this poem - I particularly liked - "Darkness takes leave & Shadow can’t see..."  You have a great deal of emotion (and faith) in this poem, which comes through to the reader.  I would suggest you check your grammar as some moments in the poem don't seem to translate well into English and some words may not mean what you want them to - example: "Passing his paint of hollow."  I don't honestly know what that means or what the image might be.

I would also suggest that you reread your poem out loud - and if there are moments when you stumble, so will the reader.  In poetry, less is more, so, if a word or words are not needed or, are repetitive, you might consider removing them and rewriting the lines(s).

There are truly, some very fine moments in this poem and there is no doubt that the feelings and emotions you are feeling, are gifted to the reader.  Perhaps you would consider sending the poem again after you've had a chance to do some editing.

Again, my thanks for sharing with me and, may I wish you a very Happy, Healthy, Creative New Year, Susan

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