Poetry Talk

Welcome to my Poet Lady Chat Room. I would like to invite you to click on the chat box and type in a question, a suggestion, submit a poem, in other words – “chat with me.” I may, if you submit a poem, decide to feature it in my Poem of the Week section or, we may simply exchange ideas and suggestions about your poem.

This is a place to “talk” poetry with someone who has loved it all her life. I have a true passion for the possibilities of poetry and would love to hear your thoughts and/or read your poem. I will be happy to offer my reaction to your work and, based on over 40 years of teaching poetry, organizing, and conducting poetry workshops, working as a book review editor for an international poetry magazine, authoring five books of poetry and two textbooks on teaching poetry, send along my thoughts on ways to make your poem stronger and more impactful.

If you’re on my site, you have a connection to poetry. Feel free to connect with me – right here -right now, by typing your message into the “chat box” and clicking send. I’m waiting…

 

Your friend in poetry, Susan

FEATURED POEM
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Any Suggestions? (1 reply)

Sarah01
2 years ago
Sarah01 2 years ago

These are the vows

I took in silence

To love you the way you came to me

Rebirthed, the softest ray of sunshine

And presently unwavering

 

These are the songs i sung

At the sight of Twilight-

The stars unthanked for but twinkling

Days shifted to night,

Only the candle's torch chastising us

Disregarded, the time spent hating

 

I promise to love you in peace

And to sow an oath indeed-

Teach the soul- the ways of loving

In secrecy, in rebellion

 

I love you with the knowledge of the dark

And that forevers are doomed

Since the beginning

I love you the way you might not love me

Since i wrote it in blood, stilled

                             -sarah

 

Susan Katz
2 years ago
Susan Katz 2 years ago

Thank you so much for sharing your poem with me.  There are some really fine moments and some lovely lines.  Two things I would mention, in poetry - less is more - and an image, rather than directly telling us, helps you achieve the drama and emotional impact your are looking for.  Please see my suggestions below.

 

These are the vows

I took in silence  (lovely)

To love you the way you came to me (don't know if you need "to me")

Rebirthed, the softest ray of sunshine (reborn rather than "rebirthed" which is not really correct)

And presently unwavering (don't need "and")

 

These are the songs i sung

At the sight of Twilight- (don't need "-")

The stars unthanked for but twinkling ("unthanked" is not really a word - can you think of another? - don't need "for")

Days shifted to night, (how about we put it into the present tense - "days shift to night...")

Only the candle's torch chastising us ("chastises")

Disregarded, the time spent hating

 

I promise to love you in peace

And to sow an oath indeed- (don't need "indeed")

Teach the soul- the ways of loving

In secrecy, in rebellion  (these two lines are lovely)

 

I love you with the knowledge of the dark (nice)

And that forevers are doomed (forever is)

Since the beginning

I love you the way you might not love me

Since i wrote it in blood, stilled (I would end the poem at "...you might not love me..."  - this is a bit overkill and ending with ":stilled" is a bit confusing.)

Overall, a really fine poem with some powerful moments and filled with energy, emotion, and intensity.  Would love to see it again after you've had time to do a bit of editing.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

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