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The Shadows,! (1 reply)

Tiny glowing star
4 weeks ago
Tiny glowing star 4 weeks ago

The shadows!

They are pitch-black,
Yet portray the happiness,
Immensely felt by the humans,
They do not speak,
Yet portray the emotions,
Inspite of being translucent,
When there is light,
They are figures in dark!
They stroll along,
With passionate humans,
Like an interesting story,
To pen down for years,
They have no boundaries,
To cross over,
They are totally real,
And not an illusion!
- Swetha.

 

 

Susan Katz
4 weeks ago
Susan Katz 4 weeks ago

Thank you for sending your very intriguing poem about shadows.  You have some very fine moments in the poem.  I do have a few suggestions I think, will help the flow and rhythm of your poem and, provide a more poetic cadence.  Your dedication to your writing is the first, and most important, step in becoming a writer/poet.  I am so pleased you choose to share your work with me.  - Your friend in poetry, Susan

Please see suggestions below:

They are pitch-black,
Yet portray the happiness, (I would take out "yet" and also, leave spaces instead of suing punctuation.  I believe your poem would have a lovely flow that way.)
Immensely felt by the humans, (don't know if you need "immensely" or "the" - just humans will do nicely)
They do not speak,
Yet portray the emotions, (portraying emotions - don't need "yet" or "the" - in poetry, less is more)
Inspite of being translucent, (just "translucent" says it all)
When there is light,
They are figures in dark! (figures in darkness)
They stroll along, (Is "stroll" the right word?  Do shadows stroll or do they glide/slip/slide, etc.)
With passionate humans, (beside passionate humans)
Like an interesting story, (nice)
To pen down for years, (nice - to pen down through the years?)
They have no boundaries, (nice - you used a poetic technique called enjambment - look that up - it's well done)
To cross over,
They are totally real, (These two lines say the same thing - can you combine them somehow to make one line that says it all?)
And not an illusion!

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