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Your friend in poetry, Susan

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The thoughts of books. (1 reply)

Tiny glowing star
10 months ago
Tiny glowing star 10 months ago

The thoughts of books!

 

I am an unspoken spirit,

Communicating with the world,

In Striving words with thrashing crowd!

Oh folks, I am not for memorising,

To make you spend an hour,

In argle bargle like an war!

My worth comes like a spring,

When you relinquish my soul without flings!

Plain white as I am,

With some emotions to wear,

That swirls on me in the expedition!

Acquired with nonstop flight of words,

Purely of love and ponders,

Waltzing in awakening wonders!

Think for yourself once,

About the fruitful discussion in tons,

That you make with me in minds,

A voyage to the unknown facts, folks!

- swetha

 

 

 

 

Susan Katz
10 months ago
Susan Katz 10 months ago

Thanks so much for sending another poem.  You are a very prolific writer, it would seem.  I very much like the tone and theme of your poem. And, I love your opening line - "I am an unspoken spirit..."  What your poem suffers from, is a series of grammatical errors and misused words.  Here are a couple of examples:

"When you relinquish my soul without flings!"  This really doesn't translate into English very well.  In fact, I cannot determine the meaning of the line.  What is the line supposed to mean?

And here are some more lines that simply do not "mean" anything I can grasp hold of, in English: 

In argle bargle like an war!

My worth comes like a spring

About the fruitful discussion in tons,

But, this is very nice - using alliteration and, it has meaning: "Waltzing in awakening wonders!"

I can only imagine how hard it is to write in a second language - hard enough to write poetry in your first language.  You are persistent, and talented, and dedicated, so I know you will eventually get to where you want to go, as a poet.

Your friend in poetry, Susan

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