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This is a place to “talk” poetry with someone who has loved it all her life. I have a true passion for the possibilities of poetry and would love to hear your thoughts and/or read your poem. I will be happy to offer my reaction to your work and, based on over 40 years of teaching poetry, organizing, and conducting poetry workshops, working as a book review editor for an international poetry magazine, authoring five books of poetry and two textbooks on teaching poetry, send along my thoughts on ways to make your poem stronger and more impactful.

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Your friend in poetry, Susan

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Riya Jaiswal
2 months ago
Riya Jaiswal 2 months ago

// 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒆 𝒍𝒂𝒚𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒄𝒖𝒑𝒄𝒂𝒌𝒆

𝒊𝒄𝒚 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓𝒕𝒊𝒑𝒔

𝒅𝒖𝒈 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒌𝒚 𝒔𝒌𝒊𝒏

𝒅𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒐𝒍𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒃𝒆𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒊 𝒄𝒂𝒏

𝒕𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆 𝒆𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒕𝒐 𝒓𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒊𝒔𝒄𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆

 

𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒘𝒃𝒆𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝒅𝒊𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒅 𝒊𝒏 𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒚

𝒅𝒓𝒐𝒐𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒐𝒇

𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒏 

𝒔𝒂𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒄𝒓𝒐𝒔𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒍𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒄𝒍𝒆 

𝒌𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒊𝒏𝒄𝒉 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒚 𝒃𝒐𝒔𝒔𝒐𝒎 

𝒂𝒔 𝒊 𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒂 𝒃𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 

𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒇𝒍𝒖𝒔𝒉𝒆𝒅  𝒉𝒖𝒔𝒉𝒆𝒅  𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒈𝒐𝒐𝒔𝒆𝒃𝒖𝒎𝒑𝒆𝒅 

 

𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒍𝒖𝒔𝒄𝒊𝒐𝒖𝒔 𝒃𝒍𝒖𝒆𝒃𝒆𝒓𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒐𝒏 

𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒆𝒅  𝒎𝒂𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒑𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒂𝒌𝒆𝒔 

𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒍𝒚 𝒘𝒂𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒏 𝒐𝒖𝒓 

𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒌𝒇𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒈𝒐𝒃𝒃𝒍𝒆𝒅 

𝒂𝒔 𝒊 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒂𝒎𝒃𝒓𝒐𝒊𝒔𝒂𝒍  𝒔𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒚 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉 

𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒆 𝒔𝒊𝒑𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒇𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒉𝒍𝒚 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒘𝒆𝒅 

𝒏𝒖𝒕𝒕𝒚 𝒄𝒐𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒆 𝒐𝒏 𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒚 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 

𝒍𝒊𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒎𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 

𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒃𝒍𝒆𝒅 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒆 

𝒂𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆

𝒕𝒊𝒑 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒛𝒆𝒏 𝒏𝒐𝒔𝒆- 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒊𝒕

 

𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒄𝒊𝒏𝒏𝒂𝒎𝒐𝒏 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒌

𝒊 𝒇𝒍𝒊𝒄𝒌 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒕𝒉 

𝒔𝒍𝒖𝒓𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒔𝒐𝒖𝒍 

𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒆𝒙𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝒍𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒍𝒆𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒅𝒆

𝒅𝒆𝒗𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒂𝒕

𝒐𝒏 𝒍𝒂𝒛𝒚 𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒆𝒓 𝒏𝒐𝒐𝒏𝒔 

𝒆𝒙𝒉𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒆𝒄𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒔𝒚 

𝒎𝒐𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒈𝒂𝒑𝒔 

𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒅 𝒍𝒊𝒑𝒔 

𝒄𝒐𝒍𝒍𝒚𝒘𝒐𝒃𝒃𝒍𝒆𝒔 𝒅𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒊𝒏𝒈 

𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒉𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒎 𝒐𝒇 𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒔 

 

𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒃𝒖𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒂𝒗𝒂𝒄𝒂𝒅𝒐 𝒐𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒕𝒐𝒂𝒔𝒕

𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒎𝒕𝒉 𝒔𝒘𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒘𝒔 𝒎𝒆 

𝒊𝒏 𝒈𝒓𝒆𝒚 𝒅𝒆𝒄𝒆𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓𝒔 

𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒎𝒖𝒔𝒉𝒚 𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒔𝒉𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒘𝒔

𝒊 𝒕𝒐𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒄𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒎𝒂𝒔 𝒃𝒐𝒏𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒆 

𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔

𝒃𝒂𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒏𝒐𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒈𝒊𝒂 𝒔𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒅 

𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒄𝒐 𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒎𝒖𝒇𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒔

'𝒂𝒂𝒓𝒛𝒖' 𝒇𝒆𝒓𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝒑𝒊𝒆𝒔 

 

𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒑𝒆𝒂𝒏𝒖𝒕 𝒃𝒖𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓

𝒊 𝒔𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒎𝒆

𝒆𝒎𝒃𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒑𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒖𝒔 

𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒂𝒕𝒐𝒎𝒔 𝒄𝒐𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒅𝒖𝒔𝒕𝒔 

𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒕𝒐𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒎𝒆- 𝒂 𝒎𝒐𝒐𝒏 𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒆𝒔 

𝒐𝒉! 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒗𝒆 𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒖𝒏𝒔𝒆𝒕. //

Susan Katz
2 months ago
Susan Katz 2 months ago

This is a very "tasty" poem!  Some very fine images and some "delicious" ones too.  There are some truly lovely images here - I think your last stanza, starting with "embracing the space between us..." was very fine writing.  Thank you for sharing your work with me.  - Susan

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