New comment from Susan Katz
I am always delighted to "meet" people who share my love of creative expression. In a world of darkness – the arts are the light. Please feel free to share at any time – I'm always happy to offer whatever insights I can. What your poem has is what poetry is all about – honest, heartfelt emotion. Wishing you a beautifully creative day, Susan
https://poetladykatz.com/poetry-talk/a-19-year-olds-crush
Original Post by sunsnotstars
A 19 Year Olds Crush
<p style="text-align: center;">You have been a 19 year olds crush for almost a year now </p>
<p style="text-align: center;">and yet</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">of all the dreams holding hands with her</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">smiling </p>
<p style="text-align: center;">'I dont knows' </p>
<p style="text-align: center;">with all the</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">'some flings'</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">in this</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">world </p>
<p style="text-align: center;">she loves you.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">where by easy accidents </p>
<p style="text-align: center;">like falling in love with someone new everyday</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">but by design </p>
<p style="text-align: center;">you are her destination </p>
<p style="text-align: center;">and she is on her way,</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">a voyeuristic journey </p>
<p style="text-align: center;">of unsatisfying urges</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">and peaking curiosities,</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">woefully waiting and watching for a</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">long 19 years</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">of child imitating old woman</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">looking deadly </p>
<p style="text-align: center;">with her hunger appeased</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">never knowing peace like it</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">and it could feel like forever,</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">like how like never</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">learns to love.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">It's not how a 19 year old</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">should</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">love</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">but its complicated;</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">dreaming while living,</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">the potential of that cold cup of coffee </p>
<p style="text-align: center;">waking up warm in the sunlight</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">(in which you are the sun, </p>
<p style="text-align: center;">and the coffee)</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">that those stars could be suns,</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">and those sun's galaxies, </p>
<p style="text-align: center;">and in a week the strange rotting imitating life once again</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">so discreetly, </p>
<p style="text-align: center;">not exactly ceased,</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">as they travel back again</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">through time,</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">it happens.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">She's just beginning.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">yet everyone tells her</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">its just a 19 year olds crush.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
comment made on…
<p>Good morning and thank you for sharing your poem with me. What I think is: It is filled with emotions – struggling to understand themselves – it is filled with a kind of emotional awe at discovering how intensely one can feel – it is filled with some very fine lines:</p>
<p>dreaming whilst living, (dreaming while living)</p>
<p>the potential of a cold cup of coffee (I would leave off <br />the potential of" and just go with "a cold cup of coffee" – in poetry it is always better to give the reader a chance to interpret what you're saying/feeling – rather than telling them)</p>
<p>waking up warm in the sunlight (I very much like this – becoming the sunlight – not sure about becoming the cup of coffee)</p>
<p>(in which you are the sun,…)</p>
<p>Emotions are messy, especially when they are in control – which it sounds like they are from the tone and intensity of the poem. I think with a little work, editing, you will have a fine poem that expresses some very relatable emotions. Again, thank you so much for sharing with me. Your friend in poetry, Susan</p>