New reply from Susan Katz
<p>Good morning and thank you for sharing your poem with me. What I think is: It is filled with emotions – struggling to understand themselves – it is filled with a kind of emotional awe at discovering how intensely one can feel – it is filled with some very fine lines:</p>
<p>dreaming whilst living, (dreaming while living)</p>
<p>the potential of a cold cup of coffee (I would leave off <br />the potential of" and just go with "a cold cup of coffee" – in poetry it is always better to give the reader a chance to interpret what you're saying/feeling – rather than telling them)</p>
<p>waking up warm in the sunlight (I very much like this – becoming the sunlight – not sure about becoming the cup of coffee)</p>
<p>(in which you are the sun,…)</p>
<p>Emotions are messy, especially when they are in control – which it sounds like they are from the tone and intensity of the poem. I think with a little work, editing, you will have a fine poem that expresses some very relatable emotions. Again, thank you so much for sharing with me. Your friend in poetry, Susan</p>
https://poetladykatz.com/poetry-talk/a-19-year-olds-crush
Original Post by sunsnotstars
A 19 Year Olds Crush
<p>You have been a 19 year olds crush for almost a year now </p>
<p>and yet</p>
<p>of all the dreams holding hands with her</p>
<p>smiling </p>
<p>'I dont knows' </p>
<p>she loves you.</p>
<p>where by easy accidents </p>
<p>like falling in love with someone new everyday</p>
<p>but by design </p>
<p>you are her destination </p>
<p>and she is on her way,</p>
<p>a voyeuristic journey </p>
<p>of unsatisfying urges</p>
<p>and peaking curiosities,</p>
<p>woefully waiting and watching for a long 19 years,</p>
<p>looking deadly </p>
<p>with her hunger appeased</p>
<p>never knowing peace like it</p>
<p>and it could feel like forever,</p>
<p>like how like</p>
<p>learns to love.</p>
<p>It's not how a 19 year old</p>
<p>should</p>
<p>love</p>
<p>but its complicated;</p>
<p>dreaming whilst living,</p>
<p>the potential of a cold cup of coffee </p>
<p>waking up warm in the sunlight</p>
<p>(in which you are the sun, </p>
<p>and the coffee)</p>
<p>that those stars could be suns,</p>
<p>and those sun's galaxies, </p>
<p>and in a week the strange rotting so still and discreet, </p>
<p>not exactly ceased,</p>
<p>as they travel back again</p>
<p>through time,</p>
<p>it happens.</p>
<p>yet everyone tells her</p>
<p>its just a 19 year olds crush.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*A flurry of emotion when I wrote this. It's organsied yet messy! What do you think? Yes I'm 19 :D*</p>
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