Poet Lady Katz: new forum comment on Darling Just Stay Strong — Tejasianaa

New comment from Susan Katz

Thank you so much for sharing your poem with me. You have so much passion and emotion in your poem that we are compelled to be move and touched by your words. If I had one suggestion, it would be to "let go of" the rhyme unless it happens naturally, and concentrate more on the passion and purpose of the poem. Keep writing – you are on to something, Susan


Original Post by Tejasianaa

Darling Just Stay Strong — Tejasianaa

<div dir="auto"><b><i>Can't you see those tears, there're</i></b><b><i> slippin' down,</i></b></div>
<div dir="auto"><b><i>Remember those days when</i></b><b><i> you wore a crown,</i></b></div>
<div dir="auto"><b><i>I couldn't hold you, could</i></b><b><i> just see you drown</i></b></div>
<div dir="auto"><b><i>Forgotten that you were the reason, people</i></b><b><i> saw this lit up town.</i></b></div>
<div dir="auto"><b><i> </i></b></div>
<div dir="auto"><b><i>It would've been so tough,cause breathing</i></b><b><i> air is just not enough.</i></b></div>
<div dir="auto"><b><i>The world is a place rough, where</i></b><b><i> you said "I'm fine" with a bluff.</i></b></div>
<div dir="auto"><b><i> </i></b></div>
<div dir="auto"><b><i>Darling just stay strong</i></b></div>
<div dir="auto"><b><i>cause one day you'll beat this storm</i></b></div>
<div dir="auto"><b><i>remember that you embrace this dorm</i></b></div>
<div dir="auto"><b><i>all these strikes are a norm.</i></b></div>
<div dir="auto"><b><i> </i></b></div>
<div dir="auto"><b><i>Forget all those fears,cause this</i></b><b><i> ain't a ghost town,</i></b></div>
<div dir="auto"><b><i>It's okay to be scared, as</i></b><b><i> every being has a nervous breakdown,</i></b></div>
<div dir="auto"><b><i>Didn't you wish for, the</i></b><b><i> stars to align for a crackdown,</i></b></div>
<div dir="auto"><b><i>Turn this all around, gearing</i></b><b><i> you up for a knockdown.</i></b></div>
<div dir="auto"><b><i> </i></b></div>
<div dir="auto"><b><i>You think you made a muff,while others</i></b><b><i> are churning out the fluff.</i></b></div>
<div dir="auto"><b><i>It was never about sweating the small stuff, when</i></b><b><i> you said "I'm okay" with a bluff.</i></b></div>
<div dir="auto"><b><i> </i></b></div>
<div dir="auto"><b><i>Darling you stood strong</i></b></div>
<div dir="auto"><b><i>cause today you beat this storm</i></b></div>
<div dir="auto"><b><i>remember that you embraced this dorm</i></b></div>
<div dir="auto"><b><i>all those strikes were a norm.</i></b></div>
<div dir="auto"> </div>
<div dir="auto"><em>— Name : Aditi Pal (Pen Name : Tejasianaa)</em></div>
<div dir="auto">— Email address : tejasianaa@gmail.com</div>

comment made on…

<p>I love the way you've used your vocabulary. Good efforts!</p>