New comment from Susan Katz
Hope you've been able to use the lessons in a positive way. Do hope to see more of your work in the future.
https://poetladykatz.com/poetry-talk/id-like-some-feedback-on-my-work-excited-to-ha
Original Post by georgia_pearl
I’d like some feedback on my work! Excited to have stumbled on your site! I really have no idea what I’m doing. I’m not sure what people like to read or how you even define poetry?
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<li>You’re a Beach </li>
<li>
<p>You rise with the tide</p>
<p>You’re a gentle and smooth ride </p>
<p>You’ve so much deep and unexplored </p>
<p>You take me to a sparkling shore </p>
<p>The water’s blue like your eyes </p>
<p>Your hair’s an ocean wave’s glide </p>
<p>Your skin is like the sea swept sand </p>
<p>The sun is the warm touch of your hand</p>
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comment made on…
<p>Good morning, and thank you for sharing your poem with me. I do believe you have some fine moments in this short poem and am happy to offer some suggestions.</p>
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<li>You’re a Beach (Is this meant to be the title? Also, am unsure of why there is a 1. / 2. -? – Also, if the image is "You're – and I would prefer "you are" – a beach, then "you rise with the tide seems confusing – the beach doesn't rise with the tide – the ocean does. So, maybe, the image is "you are a beach devoured or diminished, by the tide…)</li>
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<p>You rise with the tide</p>
<p>You’re a gentle and smooth ride (Don't know if you need "You're" again as we know who you are talking to – or that you are talking to one specific person. In poetry "less is more" – in other words, find just the right words, put them in the best possible order – and depend on imagery – metaphor and simile – to get your message and feelings across to the reader.)</p>
<p>You’ve so much deep and unexplored (again – don't know if you need "You've so much" – which is, by the way, grammatically incorrect – you are so deep and unexplored might work better.)</p>
<p>You take me to a sparkling shore (nice)</p>
<p>The water’s blue like your eyes (Don't need "the" – just go with "water's blue like your eyes / your hair glides like an ocean wave / your skin is (image here – coarse/soft/restless/inviting…)</p>
<p>Your hair’s an ocean wave’s glide </p>
<p>Your skin is like the sea swept sand (do you want to use the same image – the sand – again? Perhaps – your skin in like the wind that sweeps the sand – your skin is the sand in the aftermath of storm… – something that makes this image unique to the poem.)</p>
<p>The sun is the warm touch of your hand (This is lovely. A perfect ending.) You certainly have a fine sense of what poetry is and there are some very "inviting" moments in your poem. I think, with a little work, you will have a very soft and engaging poem. I would like to invite you to check out some of my lessons here at www.poetladykatz – perhaps they could answer some questions you have about poetry. Please feel free to send me an edited version and shoot some questions at me, if you like. Again, thank you for sharing. You're friend in poetry, <br />Susan</p>
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