New reply from Susan Katz
<p>Thank you so much for submitting this very deep, very dark, and very intriguing poem. It does not fit the two-line, imagery inspired poem about feelings, that was this week's submission request. I find some of your lines"wonderfully disturbing" but would have liked to have seen "less telling – more showing" through the use of imagery. What is an image for "darkness" for "death" and for the "outside light?" There are so many places in this poem where, just by tightening the wording, and using imagery (a metaphor or simile) you could elevate the poem and engage the reader profoundly. If you do rewrite, I will be happy to look at it again. I am grateful for your interest in poetladykatz and remain, your friend in poetry, Susan</p>
https://poetladykatz.com/poetry-talk/from-womb-to-the-tomb
Original Post by the_artriter
From Womb to the Tomb
<p>A sensation of homesick<br />Was left in the heart of the unborn<br />For being relocated from her womb<br />Which she called her home.<br />Emigrated to an afterworld<br />Of darkness and death<br />Fantasizing about her mother's womb,<br />Was what made her tranquility disrupt.<br />Being killed off<br />Before she could see the outside light<br />Made her question God<br />As to why he didn't give her the body parts<br />And gender<br />That her family wanted to ever see…<br /></p>
<p> </p>
<p>- Saahil Harisinganey (the_artriter)</p>