Poet Lady Katz: new forum reply to Tremble!

New reply from Susan Katz

<p>Candice, this is indeed a powerful poem and, although it is four lines, not two, still manages to capture the essence of what I was asking for – a short poem, using imagery, that describes a feeling.  I hope you'll forgive a couple of suggestions but, the poem is good – and, I think, could be better so, here's what I would suggest:  Take out your commas – you don't want us stopping as we read this poem, you want us to move through it, perhaps to the rhythm of the wind/breeze.  The trees themselves are not breezy – the breeze moves through the trees – so perhaps, it is "Fear in me trembles like the breeze (taunting – disturbing – ruffling – abusing?) the trees.  Is it "I" hold tight to the branch?  If you go with the word "clouds" than "deepens" becomes "deepen."  I love your ending though, to be perfectly honest, it confuses me a little bit – still, I like it very much and, I like your end rhyme – which works.  I do believe you have talent and hope you will take these suggestions as just that – suggestions.  The poem is yours and must be yours when it is finished.  I thank you so much for sharing your work with me and remain, your friend in poetry, Susan</p>


Original Post by Candice


<p>Fear in me, trembles like the breezy trees</p>
<p>Don't let go of me, holding tight onto the branch</p>
<p>Let the trace of fright go by, clouds that darken the sky</p>
<p>Deepens the desire to be alive, rooted in the hope I lie!</p>