New reply from Susan Katz
<p>You are, truly, one amazingly talented lady – and, your talents spill like sunlight into the wide world of art, into all its many landscapes. I bear witness to your "art on canvas" talent, and will see it every day, once we hang your stirring painting in our great room. I have listened to (and saw) your music video and now, you have sent a poem that is truly exceptional in its message, in its imagery, in its poetic value. Let me expand on that and offer a few simple suggestions:</p>
<p>There is an almost hypnotic flow that invites us into the poem – a rhythm – a word dance that we want to be part of. There are, however, some moments when trimming a word or two would, I think, tighten the poem and contribute to the musical quality of the lines. Some examples: </p>
<p>Green smiles along the blue</p>
<p>The sun mints a coin (I would remove "the" and just go from "blue" to "sun")</p>
<p>Heartbeats,</p>
<p>Of the graph</p>
<p>And made a body ( I would go with "making" instead of "and made")</p>
<p>Shaped out of the stars. (again – take out "the" shaped out of stars…)</p>
<p>Finally, I would suggest, in going with the flow of contemporary poetry, you don't use punctuation and capitalization – this is a thought that has found its way into words on paper – we don't punctuate or capitalize our thoughts – and I think this extraordinary poem would benefit from that. Another thought – line break – there is a poetic device called "enjambment" when a line of poetry ends, meaning one thing but, when connected to the next line, means something else. You have moments where you could play, successfully, with that it your poem.</p>
<p>Thank you for sharing – I will definitely be considering your poem for Featured Poem of the Month for December. I have found a bright and shining creative star – a world away but, one that speaks to me as though we were sitting together, sharing a glass of wine.</p>
<p>Your friend in poetry and in all things creative, Susan</p>
https://poetladykatz.com/poetry-talk/pareidolia
Original Post by suchitralata
Pareidolia
<p>At the crossing</p>
<p>Which runs east west</p>
<p>I merge with the south north</p>
<p>Yet quite apart.</p>
<p>Green smiles along the blue</p>
<p>The sun mints a coin</p>
<p>Called the moon</p>
<p>Miss or missus</p>
<p>Scars which are kisses</p>
<p>Have inverted myself</p>
<p>Into a riddle of metaphors</p>
<p>Invented an illusory phoenix</p>
<p>Out of whimsical restlessness.</p>
<p>Read the silence in between</p>
<p>Heartbeats,</p>
<p>The lows and highs</p>
<p>Of the graph</p>
<p>And made a body</p>
<p>Shaped out of the stars.</p>
<p>Again I ask for star readings.</p>
<p>Amnesia starts early</p>
<p>My shadow sees</p>
<p>Storms in every sky</p>
<p>And every once in a while</p>
<p>I see the lightning answer</p>
<p> </p>