Poet Lady Katz: new forum reply to The Shadows,!

New reply from Susan Katz

<p>Thank you for sending your very intriguing poem about shadows.  You have some very fine moments in the poem.  I do have a few suggestions I think, will help the flow and rhythm of your poem and, provide a more poetic cadence.  Your dedication to your writing is the first, and most important, step in becoming a writer/poet.  I am so pleased you choose to share your work with me.  – Your friend in poetry, Susan</p>
<p>Please see suggestions below:</p>
<p>They are pitch-black,<br />Yet portray the happiness, (I would take out "yet" and also, leave spaces instead of suing punctuation.  I believe your poem would have a lovely flow that way.)<br />Immensely felt by the humans, (don't know if you need "immensely" or "the" – just humans will do nicely)<br />They do not speak,<br />Yet portray the emotions, (portraying emotions – don't need "yet" or "the" – in poetry, less is more)<br />Inspite of being translucent, (just "translucent" says it all)<br />When there is light, <br />They are figures in dark! (figures in darkness)<br />They stroll along, (Is "stroll" the right word?  Do shadows stroll or do they glide/slip/slide, etc.)<br />With passionate humans, (beside passionate humans)<br />Like an interesting story, (nice)<br />To pen down for years, (nice – to pen down through the years?)<br />They have no boundaries, (nice – you used a poetic technique called enjambment – look that up – it's well done)<br />To cross over,<br />They are totally real, (These two lines say the same thing – can you combine them somehow to make one line that says it all?)<br />And not an illusion!</p>


Original Post by Tiny glowing star

The Shadows,!

<p>The shadows!</p>
<p>They are pitch-black,<br />Yet portray the happiness,<br />Immensely felt by the humans,<br />They do not speak,<br />Yet portray the emotions,<br />Inspite of being translucent,<br />When there is light,<br />They are figures in dark!<br />They stroll along,<br />With passionate humans,<br />Like an interesting story,<br />To pen down for years,<br />They have no boundaries,<br />To cross over,<br />They are totally real,<br />And not an illusion!<br />- Swetha.</p>
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