Poet Lady Katz: new forum reply to Wander

New reply from Susan Katz

<p>Hi Candice.  Thank you for submitting your poem and for not rhyming all the time!  I like the poem and think you have done a good job of working with the image of water – however, brooks don't really have waves so maybe, you are "closer to the" (sea) than the brook.  I'm not sure "brush" is the best word when combined with waves – though I very much like the image you are going for.  Two other suggestions (and I'm only making them because I think you have some fine potential) is that you have mixed metaphors – water brushing and pillar to post – water may go from shore to shore, or from side to side but I don't get the "pillar/post" reference.  The other thing I believe you need to address is the tense you are using – is it in the present or the past?  "Stay calm" or "stayed calm" – either way, you should maintain the same tense throughout this short and very meaningful poem.  I am grateful for your interest in poetladykatz and hope I have been helpful to you, with these suggestions.  Your friend in poetry, Susan</p>


Original Post by Candice


<p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em>#Rhyme is fine – just not all the time!</em></span></p>
<p>Wander, wander, in search of truth</p>
<p>Coming closer to the brook,</p>
<p>While waves that slipped and swept away</p>
<p>Brushing my memories, mindless moves</p>
<p>Drawing together from pillar to post</p>
<p>Stayed calm all along, I'm here to stay!</p>