New reply from Susan Katz
<p>Good Morning and thank you for sharing another poem with me. Please see my thoughts below:</p>
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<p>Have nothing in cold snowy winter<br />Let's wrap up to each other (Let's wrap up "in" to each other or "into"…)<br />Nothing is going to warm me<br />Let me subside into your pious soul. (Let me "slip" into your pious soul – and question – will that warm you? If so, than your previous line needs to reflect that…)</p>
<p>I offered nothing to God in wish, because (Do we "offer" wishes or is there a better word? I would take out the "because" it is not necessary in poetry and seems to get in the way of the natural flow of the poem.)<br />My wish walks side-by-side to me. (with me)</p>
<p>Make me your deep secret diary<br />Express your solitude and felicity upon it (don't need "upon it")<br />Make me your soaked handkerchief<br />I'll wipe out your fallen pearly tears. (I'll "soak up" your…)</p>
<p>You might be unaware of my nights (You might be unaware my nights / string the pearls of scattered tears – beautiful lines!!!)<br />String the pearls of scattered tears.</p>
<p>The poem is really well written and I love your ending. Just a few suggestions you may consider or discard. Your friend in poetry, Susan</p>
https://poetladykatz.com/poetry-talk/soul-subsider
Original Post by Fahad Khalique
Soul-subsider
<p>Have nothing in cold snowy winter <br>Let's wrap up to each other <br>Nothing is going to warm me<br>Let me subside into your pious soul.</p><p>I offered nothing to God in wish, because<br>My wish walks side-by-side to me.</p><p>Make me your deep secret diary<br>Express your solitude and felicity upon it<br>Make me your soaked handkerchief <br>I'll wipe out your fallen pearly tears.</p><p>You might be unaware of my nights<br>String the pearls of scattered tears.</p>