New reply from Susan Katz
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<div class="wps_forum_post_comment_author_display_name"><a href="https://poetladykatz.com/profile/Riya+Jaiswal">Riya Jaiswal</a></div>
<div class="wps_forum_post_comment_author_freshness">20 hours ago</div>
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<div class="wps_forum_settings">Good Morning Riya – please see my comments below. By the way, if you would send your poems, via email, please include your email address and I can do my edits and comments there – if that is what you prefer. </div>
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<div>I would like to mention that I like your format – no caps – no punctuation – just a flow of thought – it works well.</div>
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<p> </p>
<p>never have i ever</p>
<p>meant the words i</p>
<p>wrote to call it poetry (and instead of to – wrote and called it poetry – "to" seems a little out of place)</p>
<p>stars waited patiently for me (lovely and nice use of enjambment – have your line end meaning one thing and then connect with the next line, to mean something additional)</p>
<p>to rip open my heart and (don't need the "and" – in poetry, less is more – if you can take a word out – do so)</p>
<p>cry tears of blood</p>
<p>but i sat motionless (I would just say "motionless I stared" next line "into the abyss)</p>
<p>staring in abyss</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>stars never made me feel</em></p>
<p><em>heard the way you did (nice)<br /></em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>never have i ever (I know it rhymes but it is a bit overused "never have I ever" so I would just go with "never have I truly / next line – met – your eyes? – I don't understand "met my eyes…")</p>
<p>truly met my eyes</p>
<p>after you walked away</p>
<p>smile never reached my eyes (smile's' never reached my eyes…)</p>
<p>for they were too far away (for they were – I would take out "too far away" as we know that from previous lines – also, a word here that describes the "search" </p>
<p>searching for yours (searching for the light in the eyes – the response – the love>)</p>
<p>my image looked (I looked prettier in your hazel eyes)</p>
<p>prettier in your hazel eyes</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>mirrors never made me feel</em></p>
<p><em>seen the way you did (very nice)<br /></em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>never have i ever (again, I would be wary of "never have I ever:)</p>
<p>let earth kiss my soles</p>
<p>after you left tingles in my bones</p>
<p>sun's golden arms lay outstretch (outstretched)</p>
<p>to bask blessings upon my head (basking blessings on my head – take out "to")</p>
<p>but i stand still like melted wax ( I melt like wax)</p>
<p>in memory of flame that (love this line)</p>
<p>once ignited warmth within (don't think you need the "within")</p>
<p>on moonless nights</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>hugs never made me feel (This confuses me a bit – isn't it hugs and love and connection that you are talking about? So what hug does not make you feel embraced? I think these two lines – the ones that need to leave us with your messagge and the intent of the poem – need a bit of clarification. You have a strong, powerful, well-written poem – it just needs, as all poems do – some revision. The poem that went out in my newsletter yesterday, when I reread it in the newsletter, told me it too needed revision and so, I will be doing a newsletter one of these weeks, addressing revision, editing and using that poem as an example. As with most things in life, there always ways to improve them. Happy writing!)<br /></em></p>
<p><em>embraced the way you did</em></p>
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https://poetladykatz.com/poetry-talk/never-have-i-ever
Original Post by Riya Jaiswal
never have i ever
<p> </p>
<p>never have i ever</p>
<p>meant the words i</p>
<p>wrote to call it poetry</p>
<p>stars waited patiently for me </p>
<p>to rip open my heart and</p>
<p>cry tears of blood</p>
<p>but i sat motionless</p>
<p>staring in abyss</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>stars never made me feel</em></p>
<p><em>heard the way you did</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>never have i ever </p>
<p>truly met my eyes</p>
<p>after you walked away</p>
<p>smile never reached my eyes</p>
<p>for they were too far away</p>
<p>searching for yours</p>
<p>my image looked</p>
<p>prettier in your hazel eyes</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>mirrors never made me feel</em></p>
<p><em>seen the way you did</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>never have i ever</p>
<p>let earth kiss my soles</p>
<p>after you left tingles in my bones</p>
<p>sun's golden arms lay outstretch</p>
<p>to bask blessings upon my head </p>
<p>but i stand still like melted wax</p>
<p>in memory of flame that</p>
<p>once ignited warmth within</p>
<p>on moonless nights</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>hugs never made me feel</em></p>
<p><em>embraced the way you did</em></p>
<p> </p>