Poet Lady Katz: new forum reply to A-wake

New reply from Susan Katz

Thank you so much for sharing this emotionally powerful poem. You have some great lines and your rhyme, for the most part, works very well. I would make a couple of very small suggestions – I would change "taking in the…" to "take in…." putting it in the present, this moment. I would change "of hands of…" to "the hands of…" as I think it works a little better and you are not repeating "of" twice in one line. And finally, I would change the "to" in the last line to "in its wake." It is more accurate, as one is in the wake of a ship, or in the wake of a catastrophe. I would also suggest you consider eliminating punctuation, because the poem moves at such a speed and with such dramatic impact, I believe punctuation just slows us down.
This is a well thought out, well executed poem and what I would like to request is: would you consider writing a very brief, one or two sentences, explaining how writing the poem may have relieved you of some of the pressure of the world situation or, in some way, made you feel better? I would very much like to feature your poem, in about two weeks, on my Featured Poem of the Week page. With your permission, of course.
Again, thank you so very much for sharing your fine work with me, Your Friend in Poetry, Susan

https://poetladykatz.com/poetry-talk/a-wake

Original Post by m_uzair_ans

A-wake

Awaken and bear witness, 
Taking in the dire sight; 
Of hands of doomsday clock, 
About to strike five to midnight. 
 
Awaken and smell the stench, 
Of the spreading wildfire; 
As it engulfs all hearts, 
Turning integrity to ire. 
 
Awaken and try to hear, 
The cacophonic wails; 
Permeating the stir, 
Abiding along bloody trails. 
 
Awaken and speak against, 
The guile laced hate spoken; 
Or one day you might find, 
Yourself amid the forsaken. 
 
Awaken and take a stand, 
For too high is the stake; 
Lest humanity die, 
And we awaken to it's wake.