New reply from Susan Katz
<p>Your poem is very narrative in nature and tells quite a passionate and emotional story. Thank you so much for sharing it with me. I would suggest, from the point of view of the technical nature of poetry, that you lean less heavily on the rhyme and concentrate more on making us feel, through imagery, what you are so passionately telling us – a sad and tragic story. Bring us in with imagery – rhyme works but should not be the focus of the poem. You have something meaningful to say – and you say it – now make it even more powerful by incorporating some strong images.</p>
<p>I will be considering your poem for Featured Poem of the Month for December. Your friend in poetry, Susan</p>
https://poetladykatz.com/poetry-talk/dare
Original Post by anushkasharma
Dare
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote">Smelling fresh flowers, every other day,</div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">Spreading a smile, with the sun’s each ray.</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">Wish I could just, see the sky again,</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">And dance happily, in the soothing rain.</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">Waiting and waiting, for that one time,</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">When I’d be free, and hear the wind chyme.</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">But suddenly, reason takes over,</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">And reminds me, that my spirits I should lower.</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">Because freedom is, far from my reach,</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">And it all began, with that awful beach.</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">It made me a prisoner, in my own mind,</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">I want to wake up, but many strings just bind.</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">Forcing me to stay, still and calm,</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">Promising it wouldn’t do any harm.</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">I just remember, that last day,</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">When there was a bullet, and I got in the way.</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">Am I alive? I ask my heart,</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">It says yes, and I begin right from the start.</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">That day I awoke, fresh and bright,</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">As I thought I’d be seeing, Hawaii and its light.</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">We decided to go, first to a beach,</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">I just want that day, to apply brakes with a screech.</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">And stop my car, from reaching there,</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">And then stop my life, to turn into a dare.</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">But it doesn’t, as for no one does time care,</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">For a moment I’m just happy, to breathe fresh air.</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">Then they come, and I watch them approach,</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">I thought they’d play football, and there’d be a coach.</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">How would I’ve known, that the bumps in every shirt,</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">Would be guns, which will surely hurt.</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">After an hour, lying in the sun,</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">I get up, to eat a good bun.</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">Were they just waiting, for me to get up,</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">And for me to approach, my coffee cup.</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">I don’t know, and will never figure out,</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">As they didn’t give time, for me to even shout.</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">That first bullet, went right through my arm,</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">And I imagined they wouldn’t, do any more harm.</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">But the next went, straight to the heart,</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">And it stopped beating, like someone pulled my life’s cart.</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">But it was revived, and they forced me to live,</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">A life of darkness, with meds that they give.</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">I can’t move, even my eyes,</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">And all those hopes, are just white lies.</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">Maybe someday, mercy would be done,</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">And I would be able, to again see the sun.</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">Everyone’s sobbing, and waiting for me,</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">They’ll be happy, if some movement they’ll see.</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">But they won’t, of that I’m aware,</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">‘Coz someone just came, to give me some care,</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">And take me, they say somewhere,</span></div>
<div class="wps_wp_editor_quote"><span style="font-size: 1.3em;">Where life for me, would no longer be a dare….. </span></div>
<div>Anushka Sharma</div>
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