Poet Lady Katz: new forum reply to Festival of colours!

New reply from Susan Katz

<p>First of all, I love the concept – the celebration of colors – the connection between colors and emotions.  I think this poem could really be quite wonderful with a few edits and grammatical corrections.  Let me give you some examples:</p>
<p>It's the happiness,  ("It's" is a "tight" word and you have a poem that flows – so I would change "it's" to It is…)</p>
<p>That sprouts in the colour of pink, (color – not colour)</p>
<p>It's the cheerfulness, (It is the…)</p>
<p>That lingers in the colour of yellow, (I like "lingers" but wonder if yellow isn't luxuriating in the color – not colour – yellow)</p>
<p>It's the secularism,</p>
<p>That waltz in a dash like some race!  (Waltzing is slow and elegant and graceful – I find the image jarring – waltz/dash – again I would start with "It is… also, can you find a simpler word for secularism?)</p>
<p>The poem becomes a little confusing at this point and I think, needs to be simplified.  Your ideas and images and flow all work – but the language is a bit convoluted and the poem starts to slip away from us.</p>
<p>One last thing.  I really like your ending but -</p>
<p>The true festival of colours, (colors)</p>
<p>Is the colours that our hearts portrays! (are the colors that our hearts portray or heart portrays – one or the other.)</p>
<p>Thank you so very much for sharing your work with me, yet again.  I love that you are such a prolific poet and that you are willing to share your work and allow me to make editing suggestions.  Please resubmit after you've had a chance to work on it.  Your Friend in Poetry, Susan</p>


Original Post by Tiny glowing star

Festival of colours!

<p>It's the happiness,</p>
<p>That sprouts in the colour of pink,</p>
<p>It's the cheerfulness,</p>
<p>That lingers in the colour of yellow,</p>
<p>It's the secularism,</p>
<p>That waltz in a dash like some race!</p>
<p>Despite all these colours,</p>
<p>The fire that soothes the hearts,</p>
<p>Becomes the more peculiar colour,</p>
<p>To connect the elite of summer,</p>
<p>After being drenched in the rain all years,</p>
<p>With swirling emotions that provokes!</p>
<p>A loner can also become a leaner,</p>
<p>To lit up a sorrowful memory,</p>
<p>Into an unexpected moment over a meal!</p>
<p>It all lies within our hearts,</p>
<p>The hope to commence,</p>
<p>Or the coax to refresh!</p>
<p>The true festival of colours,</p>
<p>Is the colours that our hearts portrays!</p>
<p>- Swetha.</p>
<p> </p>