Poet Lady Katz: new forum reply to Victory like a mountain

New reply from Susan Katz

<p>You are definitely a most prolific writer.  I very much enjoy receiving your work.  I like your opening line – it's powerful and purposeful.  I do, however, have some suggestions I'd like to pass on to you, I think will improve the flow and quality of this poem.</p>
<p>A mountain is so high and steep,         "A mountain high and steep</p>
<p>So daring enough to make me deep,   Deep enough to make me daring</p>
<p>In thoughts of reluctance,                     Reluctantly       mighty</p>
<p>He looks so mighty like a king!             Like a king!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I think your poem, like nature, would flow more rhythmically and more naturally without extra wording or making the line fit the rhyme.  While rhyme has its place in poetry, it no longer, as in classical times, dictates the wording or rhythm of the poem.  I think you have a true sense of the power, passion, and possibility of poetry – you would benefit greatly if you would read some contemporary poetry and become familiar with how it reads on the page and sounds, when read aloud.</p>
<p>Thank you again for sharing, and for trusting me to critique your work.  Your friend in poetry, Susan</p>


Original Post by Tiny glowing star

Victory like a mountain

<p>Victory like a mountain!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A mountain is so high and steep,</p>
<p>So daring enough to make me deep,</p>
<p>In thoughts of reluctance,</p>
<p>He looks so mighty like a king!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I know another friend of him,</p>
<p>Who is the victory placed quite afar,</p>
<p>Someone unable to reach,</p>
<p>With my striving hands!</p>
<p><span style="font-size: 1.4em;"> </span></p>
<p>But it is so profound,</p>
<p>That it puts me in restless thoughts,</p>
<p>To reach the height of that light,</p>
<p>And to relish the taste of the top sight!</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>- Swetha.</p>