New reply from Susan Katz
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<p>This is a very emotional, very intense poem and, for the most part, it works very well. We feel your pain and we understand your message. Please see some suggestions below:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Father </p>
<p>My cheeks grow tender with each tear that flows in fantasy of : (I would end this line with "fantasy" and bring "of" down to start the next line. I would omit capitals at the start of each line and, omit punctuation because this poem is a flowing thought, an ongoing feeling and we don't punctuate thoughts and feelings.)</p>
<p>what could have been,</p>
<p> Should have been,</p>
<p> Shouldn't be, </p>
<p> Should I even be? (Love this!)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Father </p>
<p>When you left… When you fled was I the ignition, was I like omen to farmers havest or (this line is a bit confusing – "/" this symbol stands for line break – I would break it up to read: "when you left / when you fled was I / like the viking war cry that shook you out of your village))</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Father </p>
<p>I hate you for what could have been yet I miss you. (I would take out "yet" and turn this into two lines)</p>
<p>I hate me for missing you when he and she speak about their daddy and I… (when others speak about their daddy… take out "and"</p>
<p>I hate you.</p>
<p>This is a really powerful poem. I would love to see it after you've had time to think about it and do some editing. I would definitely consider it for a future "Featured Poem of the Week. Please remember that what I offer are suggestions, the poem is yours and you may consider my suggestions, apply them or, disregard them, Your friend in poetry, Susan</p>
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https://poetladykatz.com/poetry-talk/father
Original Post by Comfort
Father
<p>Does your heart ever remind you to miss. As you kiss your other do you ponder on mother and the I your rejection. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Father </p>
<p>My cheeks grow tender with each tear that flows in fantasy of : </p>
<p> what could have been,</p>
<p> Should have been,</p>
<p> Shouldn't be, </p>
<p> Should I even be? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Father </p>
<p>When you left… When you fled was I the ignition, was I like omen to farmers havest or like viking with war cry that shook you out of your village. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Father </p>
<p>I hate you for what could have been yet I miss you. </p>
<p>I hate me for missing you when he and she speak about their daddy and I… </p>
<p>I hate you.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>