[Susan Katz]

Thank you for sharing your lovely poem.  I find clarity, intent, and creative, meaningful and impactful use of imagery.  Very much enjoyed reading it.

 

[Susan Katz]

Another powerful poem.  Some memorable lines: (That stoic stillness , is still stillness /

As if gratitude created from grit can gratify

The grief they carry. / and the whole last stanza.)  Another thoughtful, meaningful, successful poetic effort.  As always, thank you for sharing, Susan

 

[Susan Katz]

It is my pleasure. I am always excited to discover someone who takes poetry seriously and yet still allows creative energy to dictate the journey of the poem. You are good!

[Susan Katz]

Thanks for sharing – another really well written, poetically composed poem – that makes some powerful points.  I particularly like your opening stanza and the way the message builds in the poem as you move through it.  I recently had someone send me an AI poem – it had all the elements and none of the feeling or meaning.  Your poems are always emotionally, as well as intellectually, accessible.

[Susan Katz]

I am responding here to your latest poem as I need you to submit it, as you did with the others, with a title, in order to respond here. I did receive it in my email but cannot respond to you by email as I do not have your address.

It is another powerful poem – I'm not sure, however, I'm sold on the usage of "mine" (twice) at the end. Just a thought…

[Susan Katz]

You are a consistently powerful voice spoken through the art of poetry.  Your poems are “hard” harsh at times but there is a certain revelatory quality about them – they seem honest and determined to impact the reader.  Have you ever considered putting a book together?  I believe your poetry is relevant and would resonate with readers.

I will be offline for a few days, as I celebrate the holiday.  Again, thank you for sharing your work with me.  I have very much enjoyed reading it, – Susan

[Susan Katz]

Once again, a fine – well-written poem.  You have a recognizable style.  Your poems seem a bit like “snatches of thoughts” crafted into the art of poetry.

 

[Susan Katz]

Your poetry deserves to be shared.

[Susan Katz]

Another powerful, intensely written poem.  Again, you have some outstanding lines – images and a fine, sustaining rhythm that keeps you moving effortlessly through the poem.  There are moments in the poem when I think less would have been more – for example:

The air is a slow confession of beginnings, (Lovely)

each mote a sermon on impermanence. (wonderful word choices)

Even silence sheds,

every stillness has a shimmer if you look long enough.  (don’t know if you need “if you look long enough.”)

Poetry is “the fewest possible words, in the best possible order.”  Your poems are, unquestionably, poetry.  But poetry is a living thing and is always open to ways to improve itself.

Again, thank you for trusting me with your poems – and for giving me such a powerful “punch” of poetry as I head off into the kitchen to do some holiday baking.

Your friend in poetry,

Susan

[Susan Katz]

Outstanding poem!  You have maintained the message and the emotional meaning of the poem throughout and you have done so with outstanding imagery,  Some memorable lines:

Even the air remembers how he held me wrong,

coiled like worms that dream of wings.

Mirrors break their gaze on me,

– and many other lines, combinations of words – you have a truly memorable poem here and one that deserves to be read.  Do you have a platform you can share it on?

You are a gifted poet.  Thank you for sharing your work with me, 

Susan

[Susan Katz]

Hi Glen – Thanks so much for sharing your poem – it has a strong and stirring tone and a compelling message.  Your rhymes work – and you maintain a comfortable rhythm throughout.  I am so happy to welcome you to the site and hope to be receiving more of your poems in the future.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

 

 

[Susan Katz]

Touching – moving – a heartbeat of emotion and truth and loss.  You do a fine job with rhyme and slant rhyme but perhaps, you might want to tone it down a bit as it, in a couple of places in the poem, became more prominent than the words (the feelings) themself.

You have a poetic “voice” – a style of writing that, I think, is recognizable.  I believe that is what a poet strives to accomplish – his/her own voice – a “sound” that resonates off the page.

It is a pleasure reading your poetry – and was a wonderful way to start my frigid Sunday morning.  I thank you for trusting me to read and comment on your work.  – Susan

[Susan Katz]

This is a truly intriguing poem – written in a kind of staccato rhythm that is compelling – you just want to keep reading on.  “Another sip hoping I ferment and become something worth swallowing like the truth when I pass.”  This is a great line and the poem, overall, is one that people will want to read and reread.  I know I’ve already read it three times.

Poetry, like life experience, comes in all “shapes and sizes” – you have chosen a particularly interesting form and choice of words and word clusters, to invite us into your feelings and your story.

Thank you so much for sharing.  – Susan

[Susan Katz]

Good morning, Sarah,

I’m sorry for the delay in getting this email to you – it’s been a busy few days.

Your poem has power, poetic integrity, and passion – having said that, I believe it needs to be reigned in a bit.  We need to be able to understand the poem – not only in its entirety – but in the moment – in the line and the way the line connects to the next line.  For example: 

“The flowers in my room bleed out rouge de red

musing its ethos by the bedside scoffs

Regret with vixen eyes and smile vile…”

The first line is great but then the second line doesn’t seem to connect us to where we just were – are the flowers “its-ethos?”  If so, it doesn’t seem to offer us a coherent connection.  Do the flowers scoff?  Whose “vixen eyes and smile vile…?”  I think your language and your imagery is fabulous – poetic and definitely powerful but, we need coherence so that we can follow along on your poetic journey.

What I would suggest (it always works for me) is to back off for a day or two – then go back and read the poem and find the essence of it – the message – the emotion and try to take those great lines and mold them a bit more softly to the lines that follow – read it and ask yourself – if you hadn’t written it – would you understand it – feel it – connect to it.

You have a powerful voice – now you need to call on the studious poet to turn passion and possibility into the power of poetry – poetry we can share emotionally with you.

I hope this helps, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Thank you for sharing your very powerful poem – filled with energy and an intensity that one can feel.  If I were to suggest something, it would be to use more “poetic” tools in your poem – such as, metaphor, simile, alliteration, rhyme, and onomatopoeia.  For example:

To stand in a room of faceless screams, ( I would take out the punctuation so the lines flow together – as in thought – we don’t punctuate our thoughts.)

To reach out for hands with no fingers, (you could be more concise – in poetry, less is more, “reaching with blunt hands…”)

To cry out to these soulless veiled figures. (“my voice a soundless echo…”)

And I keep trying to run, run away, but why (“running without moving – nothing there – chained to air”)

are my legs chained? Chained to nothing…..

Don’t tell us what you want us to know – show us, make us feel it through images we can relate to.  I would be happy to see this again after some editing, if you are inclined to resend it. 

Thank you so very much for your interest in https://www.poetladykatz.com   Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Author]

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