[Susan Katz]

What a very emotional poem.  Thank you for sharing it with me.  I could have hoped for less rhyme and more imagery and, the request this week was for a two line poem, using imagery, that describes a feeling.  I like the journey the poem takes us on and I like that at the end, you “smile.”  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

This is a very interesting and well written poem, though it does not meet the criteria for this week’s request for two line poems, using imagery, describing a feeling.  You certainly do describe “feelings” in your poem and I was taken by the love and then, the ability to let go so that you could each “embrace (your) own spiritual journeys.”  Thank you very much for sharing your work with me.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Lovely, lyrical, with definite classical overtones.  “Silver woven pleasant clouds…” delightful image.  Thank you so much for sharing.  I will be choosing poems to feature on Instagram at the end of the week and will definitely be considering yours.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

I truly like your concept of “time stops” for that moment, in the frame.  A photograph, capturing a moment, a face, a time.  You have some very fine lines – I like “memories get blurred in the brain” – nice use of alliteration – and “as if frozen in the moment…”  However, you have used, in this very short poem, the word “moment” three times.  I would love for you to find another word (or image) for “moment.”  I wonder, grammatically, if it isn’t “A picture when clicked / stops time in the frame?”    Also, I wouldn’t worry too much about punctuation, in this very short – very fluid, poem – but rather just let the words and lines flow, one into another.  Grammatically, it would be “clearly – not clear” and “Contrary” would be “in contrast.” And you would “time travel IN to the past…” Could you give me an image for “tears flood your eyes?”  I really like this poem and would love to see it again after you’ve had time to revisit some of the small issues that I’ve mentioned.  Thank you so very much for sharing your work with me.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

What a very lovely story you tell in this delicate and visual poem.  I like the way you bring in your rhyme, not too heavy-handed.  Your ending, as well, has such a lovely nostalgic feel to it.  From a pure poetry point of view, I believe the poem would benefit from more showing (“imagery – metaphor and simile”) and less “telling” – but, overall, you speak clearly and tell a truly engaging story.  There are many very poetic moments as well.  Thank you so much for sharing your poem with me.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Thank you so much for sharing your poem with me.  What a very important message you are speaking in your poem.  I know it will resonate with people.  From a poetic point of view, I would have liked to have seen more imagery (metaphor and simile) and less rhyme.  This is more of a well written talk on the hazards of alcohol and it needs to reach people on a more intense level – speaking with the voice of the poet, not the narrator.  I think you can do it – you have a great deal of potential and some fine language choices.  I would suggest you spend some time reading poetry – that’s what I always do when I think I am having a problem with my writing.  Contemporary poets would be a good choice.  (Derek Wolcott – Miller Williams – Sylvia Plath – Louise Gluck – Mary Oliver and many, many more.) Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

What a happy, upbeat, and positive poem you’ve written.  Using Robert Frost’s line from his poem, The Road Less Traveled, was a nice touch.  And that rhyme, right there at the end, really works.  Your poem could benefit from grammatical corrections but, I do thank you so very much for sharing it with me.  I always enjoy a “success” story, in poetic form.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Thank you so much for sharing your very light and lovely poem with me.  You have some strong moments in your poem however, there are some real issues with translation into English.  For example: You do not need the word “that” in your lines – the line works more accurately and more grammatically, without “that.”  Also, I think the word you are looking for is “selfless” not “selfishless.”  Just a couple of possible edits.  Your poem reflects a true understanding of the mission of poetry.  And I am delighted to have had a chance to read it.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

What a very lovely and lighthearted picture you paint with your words.  There is so much joy and love in this poem, one cannot help but feel it.  I am happy that you chose to share it with me.  It definitely brought a smile to my face.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Thank you for sharing your work with me.  I will confess to being a bit confused by the (graph?) that came along with your poem and with the way the poem moves, and is presented on the page.  Could you, if you like, let me know what your intent was?  Words that are lies – not being able to defrost in her heart – nice!  – Susan

[Susan Katz]

I am truly sorry but, I can only accept poems in English.  Thank you for taking the time to share your poem with me. – Susan

[Susan Katz]

Thank you for sharing your poem with me.  I very much like “there’s no rose without a thorn” – it gives us something meaningful in the way of an image that we can relate to.  There are a number of grammatical missteps but, a bit of editing could correct that.  I will admit there are some lines I simply don’t understand and that may simply be a translation issue.  In any event, you have definitely captured a mood in your poem and that’s a big part of what poetry is all about.  – Susan

[Susan Katz]

What an emotional poem and how well you tell us how you are feeling.  Thank you so very much for sharing your work with me.  I very much like the reference to the fragrance that is so tied to this person you are “incomplete without.”  I am not featuring long poems at this time but congratulate you on a meaningful and heartfelt poem.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

This is really a very lovely poem.  Your imagery is intriguing and invites the reader in to the poem in a meaningful way.  There are a few places where the grammar needs to be addressed – for example: the tense should be “confined” not “confines” – “enclosed in (an) envelope of trust…” – “Amidst (take out “of”) the caravan of time…”  Really a very lovely, very well written poem – you should be very proud of it.  Thank you so much for sharing it with me.  I hope, at some future date, to be able to feature it on one of my Instagram posts.  Your friend in poetry,  Susan

[Susan Katz]

I can feel the intensity of your poem, the emotion, and the desire to have the reader feel what you’re feeling but, I also feel that the desire to rhyme has taken away from the natural flow of words and lines into a more meaningful poetic experience.  Poetry does not have to rhyme.  It needs to invite us into the experience through the use of imagery (word pictures) line break, and other poetic devices that take the poem from words on paper, to emotions in her hearts, and pictures, so real, we can see them, hear them, feel them, smell them, and taste them.  Do spend some time editing (as all poets must) your very self-aware, very important poem and I would be happy to have you submit it again.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

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