[Susan Katz]

Thank you for sharing your work with me.  There are some lovely moments in your poem, but I believe you may have some difficulty with the grammatical rules of English, such as tenses.  Take some time to go over your poem and see if you can tighten and clarify it, by changing, adding, or deleting some words/phrases to give it a more meaningful translation into English.  I do think you will have a delightful “word picture” poem here after you’ve spent some time, as all poets must, editing.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Very lovely, intimate, and well written poem.  If I were to edit this poem, I would start by finding words I could take out, that are not necessary to the meaning and feeling of the poem.  Example:  you don’t need both “safe and protected.”  They are basically the same thing.  I very much liked, “your naked body lies in the grave of my backyard.”  Here, you might want to think of changing the line break so that you use the poetic device called enjambment – where a line means one thing and then when you connect it to the next line, it means more or even, something different.  If you broke the line – “your naked body lies in the grave/ of my backyard…” you would be using enjambment.  I do believe you have a really fine poem here, after you spend some time, as all poets must, editing.  Thank you so much for sharing your work with me, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Thank you for submitting this very intense poem.  Such strong feelings come through and you have maintained the mood all throughout the poem.  I do believe your poem would benefit from imagery.  Words like “important” could be transformed into an image that would help the reader become more involved in the poem and the emotions.  “Important” as what?  You feel like a “God” or  “storm clouds” that block the sun.  You have an abundance of feeling in your poem, now give us some beautiful word pictures so we can experience your words on a sensory level.  Really enjoyed reading your poem and thank you again, for sharing.  – Susan

[Susan Katz]

There are some very strong images in your poem.  I particularly liked “Till your begging to be released from the prison of my mind/out in the form of beautiful words.”  I also very much like “the thunder of your footfall.”  I’m a little less sure of “chock-full” as it somehow seems out of place.  Well conceived, well written, emotionally charged poem!  Thank you so much for sharing with me.  I will definitely consider your poem to be featured in a future poetladykatz Instagram post.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Nicely done.  I very much like your image of the sea and sky meeting at the horizon.  I will definitely be considering featuring your poem on my poetladykatz Instagram page one day in the near future.  Thank you so much for sharing your work with me, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Thank you for sharing this delightful little poem that uses imagery so well.  I very much like your ending.  I will definitely be considering your poem for featuring on my poetladykatz Instagram page one day in the near future.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Nicely done.  I would like very much to see this poem written with line breaks, as that is a key part in how we read a poem.  I’m not sure where your lines begin and end and, as the reader, I need to know.  There are a couple of words that could be removed in the editing process, and I think that would benefit the rhythm (and perhaps) the meaning of the poem, as well.  You do have some very fine moments in this poem and I am grateful you chose to share it with me.  Please resubmit if you are inclined to do a bit of editing.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

This is a very thoughtful and well conceived poem.  I think it would benefit from editing as, in poetry, less is more – and often there are many words that really don’t add anything to the meaning or rhythm of the poem.  I think you have some real talent and would love to see this poem again, after you’ve had a chance to edit it, if that is something that you are willing to do.  It is too long for my current request for 2 to 4, un-rhymed poems, using imagery.  However, if you do resubmit an edited version, I will be happy to consider it for featuring on my poetladykatz Instagram page, at some future date.  Write on!  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

I am a little confused by the meaning of the poem.  “Upto” is not a word in English – and grammatically, “it’s paves a way with secret away…” has no meaning that I can grasp.  “Pens on paper culminate (in) wizardry”is nice, and “nature’s rhythm on my soul…” is nice, but I’m not sure how the word “shower” fits in.  I think you have some good moments and a real feel for poetry.  It may just be, a translation from one language into another, issue.  I am very happy you chose to share your poem with me and hope my comments have been helpful.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Well done – and thank you for the work you put in to bring this short poem to a more impactful, meaningful, and poetic conclusion.  I will definitely be considering your poem as one to be featured on a future (next two weeks) poetladykatz Instagram page post.  Thank you for your efforts and for letting me be a part of the process of taking words and crafting them into poems.  Nicely done!  – Susan

[Susan Katz]

I really like the concept of your poem.  There are some lovely lines and some very meaningful moments in the poem.    I think you need to check some of the grammar and the meaning of words and how they interact with other words – for example:  ‘It gazes my smile” is not quite right.  My smile gazes back at me – would work – but the mirror can “reflect” your smile – “mirror” your smile – “echo” your smile but not “gazes” your smile.  Also, may I suggest you read your poem aloud trying to find the rhythm that works and in doing so, you may find there are a number of words you could remove from the poem, without damaging the meaning but, in the end, making the poem even more powerful.  I think you did a great job and really like this poem and where it takes the reader.  Thank you so very much for sharing it with me, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Very well done.  I think you have done a fine job of using and sustaining, imagery.  Your rhyme, for the most part, is not intrusive, and so it works without interfering with the rhythm and intent of the poem.  I like the progression from nature to “her” and like the part she plays in your appreciation of nature.  Unfortunately, your poem is too long for me to feature in my current request for two to four line poems, un-rhymed and using imagery.  If you would like to choose a stanza that you’d like me to feature, I would be happy to do so.  I would like to suggest, before you send anything back to me, that you go back over your poem and see if you can find words that are not needed for the rhythm, meaning, emotion, and energy of the poem.  In poetry, less is more!  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Nice use of imagery and not dependent on rhyme.  I would suggest that you might want to consider that in poetry, less is more.  In other words, if you don’t absolutely need a word, don’t use it.  In this lovely little poem, removing the words (a bit) in the first line, the word (and) in the second line, the word (indeed and still – changing meet to meeting at the horizon) in the fourth line,  the word (the and the) in the fifth line, would tighten the poem, giving it even greater impact.  I think you really understand the essence of poetry and simply, like all poets, have to go back to your poem and do the job of editing.  I will be considering your poem for featuring on a future poetladykatz Instagram post.  Thank you so much for sharing your work with me, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Outstanding!  This is exactly what I was hoping for in a short poem, un-rhymed, using imagery.  I will definitely be featuring your poem on my Instagram, poetladykatz page one day this coming week.  Thank you so very much for sharing with me.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

I really love your last line!  What a beautiful tribute to someone, to have fallen in love with their “soul” and have both that love and their soul “reside in my poem.”  Very well done and I would just like to suggest that the words ” a lot” at the end of the second line, really don’t add anything to the poem and could easily be removed, giving the poem a “lighter” move lyrical feeling.  I will definitely be considering your poem for featuring on my poetladykatz Instagram page, one day in the next two weeks.  Thank you so very much for sharing your work with me. Your friend in poetry, Susan

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