[Susan Katz]

This is a powerful expression of your love and your faith and your talent as a poet.  You have some very well written lines – short but, charged with feeling and emotion.  I will definitely (even though it is longer than I requested) consider your poem for featuring on my poetladykatz Instagram page.  Thank you for sharing your work with me.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

It is a two line poem contest and I’m looking for poems that capture the essence of imagery by describing a feeling.  Love/Hate/Sorrow/Joy…

 

[Susan Katz]

Thank you for submitting your poem.  Loneliness, I think, is something we can all relate to, after the experiences of this past year and a half.  May I suggest that your poem would benefit from the use of imagery – for example:  “I cry” like…  or What happens when that “door opens…?”  Does light flood in – does music sound in your head – does darkness disappear like rain clouds when the sun comes out?  Poetry is all about word pictures, as well as telling us something important.  I think your poem has great potential and would be so happy to see it again after you’ve had a chance to work on it.  Don’t worry if you end up adding a line or two – just make us feel, what you feel!  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Thank you for sharing your work with me.  I feel the emotion but I am “hearing” it – being told it – rather than having you show me, through imagery.  “Nice” as what – an image for “hate” – an image for “tears rolling down your face”…  You have all you need to create a very meaningful poem, just take the time to read a few contemporary poems and poets, and apply the techniques of poetry to your poem.  I would be happy to see it again, after you have had a chance to work on it.

[Susan Katz]

Very loving and very nicely done.  You have a light and appealing rhythm to your poem and certainly, a great deal of emotion.  May I suggest a couple of things that are grammatically incorrect – ” show” should be “shows” – and “throw” should be “throws” – and you might want to add the word “and” between Spring – Fall.  I think this is a very well thought-out and well-written poem – beautiful imagery.  I do very much like “the dawn show…” and your ending.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Thank you Candice for this very lovely rewrite. While it is a little long to fit this week’s request for a two-line poem, using imagery, describing a feeling, I do feel it is worth featuring and will figure out a way to do so.  You have a very light hand, using simple wording to create some lovely word pictures.  I like the parallel of the tree holding on to the leaves – and someone holding on to you.  I am still a little perplexed by your last line – but again, that’s OK.  Poetry must be felt, it is not always, understood.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Lovely!  You have truly captured the essence of the assignment – a two line poem, using imagery, that describes a feeling.  I can feel the love and I can feel the passion.  If I may, and this is just a suggestion, the word “make” does not work grammatically – “turn” is far more accurate.  Just a thought.  I will definitely, whether you edit or not, be featuring your poem in a future Instagram poetladykatz post.  Thanks you so much for sharing.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Thank you for submitting your poem.  I like the tone of your poem and the suggestiveness of it.  Grammatically, I believe, in the last line “is” would work better than “has.”  You have a good sense of the rhythm of poetry and the need for emotional commitment to your words and thoughts.  I would be happy to consider your poem, after editing, to be featured on my Instagram page.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Thank you for submitting your poem.  May I suggest a grammatical correction or two – “You are the reason FOR my smile – “when my beloved is miles away.”  Just a thought that might help the emotions of your poem translate better for those reading it in English.  I appreciate your interest in poetladykatz and look forward to seeing more of your work, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Very dark and emotional – and I do like the image of the well.  However, I’m wondering about the “well” consuming all of your from within.”  A well might drown you or prevent you from escaping but, consuming you from within seems a stretch.  I wonder if you might rethink how your image works – and perhaps come up with something more in keeping with the theme of “well.”  In any event, your piece is well written and I would love to see it again, if you decide to rework it.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Well done – very interesting – very much liking “float a desperate hand trying to hold onto vapor…”  and, do also like, your ending.  I will definitely be considering your work to be featured on my poetladykatz Instagram page, in the next week or two.  I am delighted that you chose to share, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Thank you for resubmitting.  I will definitely consider your poem as one to be featured on my poetladykatz Instagram page.  Writing is the fun part – editing is the work – having written is the prize!

[Susan Katz]

Candice, this is indeed a powerful poem and, although it is four lines, not two, still manages to capture the essence of what I was asking for – a short poem, using imagery, that describes a feeling.  I hope you’ll forgive a couple of suggestions but, the poem is good – and, I think, could be better so, here’s what I would suggest:  Take out your commas – you don’t want us stopping as we read this poem, you want us to move through it, perhaps to the rhythm of the wind/breeze.  The trees themselves are not breezy – the breeze moves through the trees – so perhaps, it is “Fear in me trembles like the breeze (taunting – disturbing – ruffling – abusing?) the trees.  Is it “I” hold tight to the branch?  If you go with the word “clouds” than “deepens” becomes “deepen.”  I love your ending though, to be perfectly honest, it confuses me a little bit – still, I like it very much and, I like your end rhyme – which works.  I do believe you have talent and hope you will take these suggestions as just that – suggestions.  The poem is yours and must be yours when it is finished.  I thank you so much for sharing your work with me and remain, your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Thank you so much for submitting this very deep, very dark, and very intriguing poem.  It does not fit the two-line, imagery inspired poem about feelings, that was this week’s submission request.  I find some of your lines”wonderfully disturbing” but would have liked to have seen “less telling – more showing” through the use of imagery.  What is an image for “darkness” for “death” and for the “outside light?”  There are so many places in this poem where, just by tightening the wording, and using imagery (a metaphor or simile) you could elevate the poem and engage the reader profoundly.  If you do rewrite, I will be happy to look at it again.  I am grateful for your interest in poetladykatz and remain, your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

I particularly like your title “Burying Anger in a Distant Grave” – that is powerful, intriguing, and certainly poetic!  I am impressed by the tone and emotion of your short, imagery-inspired poem.  I’m wondering if it isn’t “if your world like a glass” rather than “glass like world” – that confuses me just a bit.  Also, we don’t “carve” glass so much as we create or recreate it.  I wonder if you would be willing to work a bit more on this very meaningful poem, and resubmit it.  I think it has great possibility.  Your Friend in Poetry, Susan

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