[Susan Katz]

I am very taken with your concept that nature does not live for itself – and neither do you.  I believe you need to work on your translation into English as there are some moments that simply do not work.  For example:  the line “Am I worth for living with nature” should probably read – “Am I worthy of living with nature?”  I do love your ending!  “Because living for each other/is a rule of nature.”  Is it A rule or THE rule?  In any event, thank you so much for sharing.  I think your poem is filled with emotion and truth and a message that is important and meaningful.  Thank you so much for sharing with me.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Hi Candice.  Thank you for submitting your poem and for not rhyming all the time!  I like the poem and think you have done a good job of working with the image of water – however, brooks don’t really have waves so maybe, you are “closer to the” (sea) than the brook.  I’m not sure “brush” is the best word when combined with waves – though I very much like the image you are going for.  Two other suggestions (and I’m only making them because I think you have some fine potential) is that you have mixed metaphors – water brushing and pillar to post – water may go from shore to shore, or from side to side but I don’t get the “pillar/post” reference.  The other thing I believe you need to address is the tense you are using – is it in the present or the past?  “Stay calm” or “stayed calm” – either way, you should maintain the same tense throughout this short and very meaningful poem.  I am grateful for your interest in poetladykatz and hope I have been helpful to you, with these suggestions.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Thank you for sharing this very romantic and delightfully honest poem.  I would suggest, if I may, that the last word in the poem should be “them” not “it” if you are referring to “your eyes.” (Plural) Or, you could just end the line with the word “in.”  That would work too.  A very fine example of a short poem that creates an image for us to feel as well as understand.  I will be featuring your poem in one of my poetladykatz Instagram posts, in the next couple of weeks.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Very nicely done – concise and written with an eye towards imagery.  I very much like the concept of the soul being “a bird that changes its cage…”  I wonder if you are familiar with the poetic concept of enjambment.  It means ending a line so that it means one thing on the first line and then something else (or something more) when it connects to the next line.  For example, if you wrote your first line in the following way, you would be creating a lovely and dramatic example of enjambment.  “The soul is a bird that changes its cage to live/ (line break) forever in this dusty old earth.”  Just a thought and the hope that you consider it.  Your poem is strong, it could be even stronger.  I will definitely be featuring it in one of my poetladykatz Instagram posts in the next couple of weeks.  Thank you so very much for sharing – and write on…  Your  friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Thank you for sharing your philosophical poem with me.  I very much like the tone of your poem, but fear there are some issues with translation into English.  Some of the lines tend to be confusing and do not really say what I believe you are intending.  However, your image of life being like “roses red” is really quite nice and I do so appreciate the emotion and energy that went in to creating your poem.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Now that’s telling it like it is – strong and to the point.  I would have liked to have seen some imagery for “Nicotine in my veins” or “Smoke in my brain” but I do like the power and intensity of it and will feature it on my poetladykatz Instagram page in the next couple of weeks.  Thank you so much for sharing your work with me, Susan

[Susan Katz]

I really like this very short, but very meaningful poem.  I would like to suggest that you rethink the order of the words in the last line.  It doesn’t come across the way it should – it’s not “full of stars in my hand” so much as it is, a hand full of stars.  In any event, I would, if you would consider a bit of rearranging of words in the last line, very much like to feature it, in the next couple of weeks, on the poetladykatz Instagram page.  Let me know and thank you so very much for sharing your work with me, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Thank you for sharing.  I’m a little confused about the meaning of the poem, “I got trapped when my wings flapped.”  Perhaps you could be a little clearer and use some visual imagery to express your obviously, very deep and heartfelt emotions.  Are your “wings” a metaphor for courage?  I would love to know more about your poem and thank you so much for sharing it with me, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Thank you for sharing your poem with me.  There are some very good moments in your poem and you have managed to convey the strong feelings you have.  There is, for me, a bit of confusion with the language at times.

They stick a firm reason for the nip to go beyond a rampage

And catch and catch

I am a bit confused by these lines and wonder if it might be a translation issue.  In any event, your poem is filled with passion and purpose and that, is the heart of poetry.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

I very much like the tone of your poem and your ending is quite lovely.  I think we are all somewhat enchanted by old photographs and the memories they stir in us.  I’m wondering if you might want to try to paint some word pictures for these vivid thoughts – example: “we remember those places far away in miles” might become – we remember mountains rising out of the mist – or, rivers that flowed to the sea — or, flowers or clouds – whatever memory the photo conjures up.  Poetry is so much more powerful when we can “see, taste, touch, smell, and hear” the images that the poet is creating.  Thank you so very much for sharing your work with me.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Thank you for sharing your work with me.  You have some very fine moments in this poem which does seem to have a classical feel to it.  I believe there may be some moments when the translation into English is a bit confusing.  This poem is a bit long for me to consider for featuring in our current request for two to four line poems (non-rhyming.)  But, keep writing – you have, I believe, a passion for it.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Your poem has a very classical feel to it.  I can feel the emotion and the pain.  I’m sorry to say it is a bit long for the current request for two to four line poems.  I am always happy to read work submitted and thank you so much for your interest in poeteladykatz and for sharing your work with me, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Nice!  I like “Aiming to be a star, still left to explore the sky!”  I will be featuring  your poem on one of my Instagram posts in the next two weeks.  Thank you for your interest in poetladykatz and for sharing your work with me, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Interesting concept in your poem.  I liked the little twist at the end.  I could have hoped that you would not have relied so heavily on rhyme but, having said that, I do like the way the poem finds its way to a very intriguing ending. I will be happy to feature your poem on my Instagram page one day in the next two weeks.  Thank you for sharing your work with me, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Some very powerful moments in you poem.  I particularly liked “fill in the pen with the ink of my scars.”  That’s a strong image.  I will be happy to feature your poem on one of my Instagram posts in the next two weeks.  Thank you for sharing, Susan

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