[Susan Katz]

What a lovely and joyful poem, showing us, not only your writing skills, but your personal ability to speak your joy.  Thank you so much for submitting your poem for consideration for Featured Poem of the Month for December. 

I like that you have used imagery (As we bind together like raindrops becoming one with the sea…) – very nice – would love to have seen an image for “shattered” like/into???  Nobody should ever be as critical of a poem, as the poet who wrote it.  I often go back a dozen or more times, changing a word here – then putting it back the way it was – seeking a stronger image and looking for ways to make my poem the best it can be.  The work of the poet – editing!

Your friend in poetry, Susan

 

[Susan Katz]

Thank you for submitting your poem for consideration for Featured Poem of the Month for December.  I think what you chose to write about, is something many of us are able to relate to.  I very much like the line “in this period of midnight darkness” but wonder if, for rhythmic reasons, if “period” might not become “time”  “In this time of midnight darkness…”  You need, from the standpoint of English grammar, to revisit your poem and check out your tenses (past/present/future)in order to make your lines, not only poetic, but meaningful from a language point of view.  Example:  Perhaps “found” myself alone should be “find” myself… as you move on, in that stanza to “All the problems I am suffering” (By the way, is there an image your could use here, instead of telling us – show us with imagery.)

Your poem is well written in many ways and your story is compelling, dramatic, and heartfelt and many of us, who read it,will relate to it.  Once again, thank you so much for sharing, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Hi Nadia – thank you for submitting your emotional poem for consideration for Featured Poem of the Month for December.  Your poem has a strong message and a comfortable flow but, there are some moments in the poem, when the English word or combination of words, and the tense (present/past/future) is incorrect.  For example: “Neglecting the fact thee life is short…”  The word “thee” should be “that” to be read correctly in English.

“Hoarding memories before it fades…”  “Memories” is plural, meaning more than one, therefore “fades” should be “fade” – “Bothering” should possibly be “bothered”  and “broke” should, to be correct, be “broken.”

All of the elements of a very fine poem are here and are just waiting for the hand of the “editor” side of the poet, to jump in and start working on tightening and correcting and turning the first version of the poem, into the finished version of the poem.  I feel your intensity and do believe, you have writing talent.  Thank you again, for sharing your work with me,  Susan

[Susan Katz]

Thank you for submitting your poem for consideration for Featured Poem of the Month for December.  I truly appreciate the intense emotion in your poem.  I sense that this poem comes from a very honest, and very heartfelt place.  I would suggest that you spend less time working on rhyme and more time working on images, images that will help us feel what you feel.  Poetry should not tell us how to feel, it should show us through the magic and power of imagery.  The idea of the snake is really good.  Now, expand on that through imagery – “in the mist/ hissing and poised to strike/ a snake uncoiled/ like a promise broken…

I believe you have a fine poem just about ready to break free, given time and the work of the poet, editing.  We all love to write – that’s the fun part – but, editing, now that’s where the poem is truly born.

Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Very well written poem and, I thank you for submitting it for consideration for Featured Poem of the Month for December.  I particularly like your opening few lines, the way you’ve chosen your line breaks and some of the fine images you have used to invite us into your emotional world.  I am, however, wondering about the contradictory imagery – “sea of possibilities”  – to –  “untouched sparks/waiting to ignite…”  Somehow, they seem at odds with one another – and I think your poem would benefit from continuity of imagery.  Expand on your “sea” image and then, move on to your “ignite” image.  I do believe you have talent and I hope you will spend some time doing the work of the poet, and that is, editing.  Writing the poem, is the fun part – editing, is where the true work of the poet comes into play.

Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

What a very lovely, emotional. and upbeat poem.  How delightful are those feelings that you share with us, the feelings that “he” brings to you!  Thank you for submitting your poem for consideration for Featured Poem of the Month for December.

I rarely ask a poet to give us more but, in your case, I know I would find your poem more persuasive if you told us your feelings through imagery – for example: “As we bind together and fuse as one…”  “As we bind together like raindrops becoming one with the sea…”  Also, “As I “sign” with pleasure…” should be “As I “sigh” with pleasure…”

I think you have something special here and, with some editing and some inclusion of imagery (the heartbeat of any poem) you will have a truly fine poem to share.

You friend in poetry, Susan

 

 

 

 

[Susan Katz]

Thank you for submitting this very intensely felt and well written poem for consideration for Featured Poem of the Month for December.  May I suggest that the word “for” should possibly be replaced by the word “that” as it works better and is more accurate, in English.  I also think your poem, which has the one fault all writers prefer to any other, is “overwritten.”  I’m always happy when I ‘overwrite” because it just means I need to do a little cutting away of words and lines, and that is a much easier task of editing, than trying to fill out a line, with more words.  Let me give you an example: 

I was carried away by my emotions’ waves which rebels,
Drifting me into the ocean of tears
As I belonged to no where else.
It ended in a hope of reconciliation.

“Carried away by waves

of emotions, drifting into an ocean

of tears, I belonged

no where and grasped on

to the (slim/fragile?) hope

of reconciliation.”

In poetry, less is more – the fewest words, in the best possible order.  Still, I would say you have presented a well written, honestly felt, and passionate poem that, with a bit of editing, could become something really special.

Thank you again for sharing it with me, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Thank you for your poem that speaks to one of the most important issues of our time.  I feel your emotions and your message is honest and right on!  However, if we are trying to craft the message in the form of poetry, it needs less “telling” and more “showing.”  By that I mean, the poem needs images.  What better subject than the destruction of our planet by polluters and greed, to present with strong and powerfully emotional images.”Floods, draughts, fire and tremors happening are the proof,” – How about including more in the way of imagery here?  “Waters rise like giant hands, erasing landscapes – the earth burns itself dry, hungry flames eat the landscapes/ tremors shake us till we tremble like leaves in a strong wind…”  In other words – show us your passion – make us feel it, deep inside and then, your important poem will become more than a message, it will become a message formed in pure poetry.

I will consider your poem for Featured Poem of the Month for December.  Thank you for your interest in https://www.poetladykatz.com  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Thank you for sharing this poem with such a fine message of achieving a sense of self worth and self esteem.  You message is right on, however, I think you need to spend some time working on your lines and trying to craft them into lines of poetry rather than lines that offer a very important message.  Poetry is all about imagery and emotion.  Imagery should spark the emotion.  What is an image for the “good you” for a “struggler” for “inspiration from other’s work?”  Perhaps it would be helpful to read some English poets and see how they offer their messages through poetry.  I do believe the emotion and the honesty that is reflected in your poem.

I will be considering your poem for Featured Poem of the Month for December and, thank you for your interest in https://www.poetladykatz.com  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Thank you for this delightful poem that flows with a lovely repetitive quality and has some very fine lines.  I understand your desire to rhyme the poem but, in doing so, you often interrupt the thought and/or rhythm.  Example: “Listening to our heart when things won’t get right, We got to hold ourselves, hold really tight.”  “Listening to our heart/ telling us that nothing/ is quite right/ we need to hold on/ to ourselves, hold on really tight…”  I often, when writing my poetry, read it out loud to myself in the hope that the sound of the words coming together and, the rhythms that the words create, will be easier to detect (and edit) when spoken aloud.  I would suggest you try that with this very charming poem.

I will consider your poem for Featured Poem of the Month for December, and thank you for your interest in https://www.poetladykatz.com  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Thank you for sharing your very thoughtful poem with me.  Your choice of topic is delightful, defining a “mom” – and you have some meaningful and touching lines that promote your message.  I would suggest you worry less about rhyme and more about imagery – as imagery s what makes poetry, poetry.  For example: “A kid can be explained well bad and good,…”  “A kid can be a thunder storm raging/ or sunshine on a summer day…”  Just a little example of how you can better reach your reader with images.  In poetry, we don’t “tell” the reader, we show them through imagery.

I will consider your poem for Featured Poem of the Month for December and thank you for your interest in https://www.poetladykatz.com.  Your friend in poetry,Susan

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Susan Katz]

Many thanks for sharing this very personal and purposeful poem with me.  I can feel, as I read it, the intense emotion that suggests your deep personal connection to the words and feelings you are sharing with your reader.

“I need to first see my shadows
heal the wounds and redefine the scars.”  

This is a very powerful line.  If I may, I would suggest you tighten it a bit by compacting it into only those words that are necessary. /-indicates line break suggestions. “I need first see/ my shadows heal/ the wound redefining/ scars…”  A number of your lines could be more meaningful if they were compacted down into only those words that are necessary to get your meaning, and your feelings, across to your reader.  Poetry is:  The fewest words, in the best possible order.”

You have a very fine poem here and I will consider it for Featured Poem of the Month for December.”  Thank you again for sharing it with me.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Thank you so much for sharing your very emotional, intense poem with me.  You have managed to capture a mood and a moment in time, with some very well written lines.  “To feel the vacant gazes and the empty hopes…” is a very fine line and you have many of them in this powerful poem.  I would suggest that you give some of your lines a little more depth, for example: “Dark were the nights I ran in threads to meet.”  This line seems incomplete to me, as if we are left wondering rather than knowing.  “to meet you” “to meet in love – in secret – in desperation?”  Just some thoughts to share with you, and my thanks for your interest in https://www.poetladykatz.com  I will be considering your poem for Featured Poem of the Month for December.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Thank you for submitting your poem for consideration for Featured Poem of the Month for December.  I love the perspective in this poem – the tree wondering about itself – losing its leaves – generating new ones – perhaps flowering – producing fruit – lovely way of presenting the feelings and experiences of trees.  If I were to make a suggestion, it would be to incorporate more imagery in your poem so that we could experience what you feel – what the tree feels – on a sensory level.  Example:  “Deeper my roots run/like fingers reaching down/searching through the stony ground.”  Very well done and I thank you for your interest in https://www.poetladykatz.com  Your friend in poetry, Susan

[Susan Katz]

Thank you so much for submitting this extremely well written poem.  I am impressed with the way you made “mosaic” the image that carried your thoughts and feelings, throughout the poem, and became the final “exclamation point” at the end of the poem.  You have a lovely rhythm and, though I might have of hoped for a little less emphasis on rhyme,” a finely crafted poem.  I will be considering it for Featured Poem of the Month for December.  Your friend in poetry, Susan

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